A Dark Secret - part 3

Sully knocked on the door of Sheryl and Josh's room. Sheryl opened the door and invited them in. Josh was still laying on the bed in the corner reading a book. "Sully, Josh isn't feeling up to a big day today. I think the haystack wore him out," she said with a smile as she glanced at Brian. "Maybe we could do this another day?" Sully looked at Sheryl with concern showing on his face. "He's just tired, that's all," Sheryl said as she saw the look of worry cross Sully's face. "I'm sure after a day's rest he'll be just fine."

Sully looked at Josh and could see how exhausted he was. He knew he wouldn't be up to a trip out to the hotsprings. But he still desperately needed to talk to Sheryl alone. Looking to Brian, Sully hesitantly asked, "Brian, maybe you could stay here with Josh while I show his ma the hotsprings. I promise to take you both when Josh is better."

Brian looked over at Josh who was now smiling. "Please, Brian," Josh pleaded. "We could work on our school project," he said as he glanced at his mother to gauge her reaction. The subject of school had not yet been settled with his ma. "I've been practicing my drawings of buffalo and I bet we could get a whole lot of drawings done before they get back," Josh said.

Brian looked at Josh and then back at Sully. "Sure, Sully. That's all right with me. I'll stay here with Josh and you can take Mrs. Cowan to see the hotsprings." And then turning to Josh he said, "Hey, Josh. We can draw a picture of a white buffalo and add that to our collection of pictures."

"A white buffalo?" Josh asked. "There's no such thing, is there ma?"

Sully looked at Brian and they shared a smile. "The Cheyenne say that if you see one, it's real," answered Brian and then turning to Josh he said, "I'll tell you all about the white buffalo, just like Sully told me," Brian said proudly.

Sheryl looked from Josh to Brian and then to Sully before hesitantly replying, "I'm not so sure I should leave Josh alone. He was real tired this morning. He may need me." Sully knew this was a mother's worry, he had heard the same tone in Michaela's voice many times when she was worried about one of the children.

Sully turned to Sheryl with a look of pleading in his eyes. "I'm sure Josh will be okay for just a little while. Brian will be here with him, and if he doesn't feel well, Brian can always go to the clinic and get Michaela."

Sheryl looked into Sully's eyes for just a moment and realized that he needed to talk with her alone. She wondered if he had made a decision already. With a small lump in her throat she managed to speak. "All right, I guess it would be all right, but we won't be gone long, will we?"

"No, we'll be back in an hour or two, no longer, I promise," replied Sully as he averted her gaze. And then turning to the boys he said, "I'll leave the picnic basket here for you boys. I know how hungry you can get in an hour," Sully laughed.

"Thanks pa," returned Brian. "I'll take good care of him, Mrs. Cowan. And if he feels sick or anything, I'll go get my ma."

"Thank you Brian. I'm sure everything will be fine." Sheryl stated as she reached for her shawl and Sully opened the door. "I'm ready," Sheryl said to Sully as she blew a kiss to Josh and said, "Good-bye boys."

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As Michaela entered the clinic with Katie still on her hip, she heard footsteps descending the clinic stairs. She looked up to see Andrew coming down the stairs, his medical bag in hand. "Good morning, Michaela," greeted Andrew. "And was that little Katie I heard crying down here a few minutes ago?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it was. She had a little spill," answered Michaela as she set Katie down on the floor and kissed the top of her head.

Katie toddled over to Andrew and sticking her leg out so Andrew could see it, she said, "Katie got boo-boo. Kiss it, make it feel better."

"Oh, no, Katie," Michaela laughed as she looked at Andrew. "Andrew doesn't want to kiss your boo-boo."

Andrew smiled at Michaela and then got down on his knee so he was at eye level with Katie. "I'll kiss your boo-boo, Katie. My ma always kissed mine when I was your age and they always felt better after that." Katie again stuck out her leg and Andrew bent down and kissed the bandage wrapped around it.

He then stood up and looked at Michaela who in turned smiled at him and said, "Thank you."

Then turning his full attention to Michaela he said, "Mr. Anderson did well last night. He's upstairs right now, anxious for you to release him. He hasn't had any dizzy spells or anything else from his fall. He wanted to leave early this morning, but I convinced him to stay until you've had a chance to examine him."

"Thank you, again, Andrew," Michaela replied. "I really appreciate you staying with him last night. Now, I think I'll go up and see my patient." She grabbed Katie's hand and said, "Come on Katie, you can go upstairs with mama."

"Uh, Michaela," interrupted Andrew. "I'll keep Katie down here with me so you can see Mr. Anderson."

"Oh, that's all right Andrew. I couldn't ask you to do that, you've done enough already," responded Michaela.

"No, really Michaela. I don't mind at all. Besides, the only thing I have waiting is Preston," Andrew answered wryly. And then looking at Katie and tickling her arm, he said, "Katie can tell me all about how she got that big boo-boo."

"Yeah, boo-boo, mama. I tell Andoo bout boo-boo," Katie giggled.

Michaela let go of Katie's hand and bent down to kiss her cheek. "All right, but I'll only be gone a minute."

Ten minutes later Michaela opened the door to the main clinic, followed by Mr. Anderson. "I know you feel all right now, Mr. Anderson," explained Michaela, "but if you feel any dizziness, nausea or any pain at all, I want you to come back and see me."

"I will, Dr. Quinn. And thanks for taking such good care of me. My arm isn't even hurting me none." remarked Mr. Anderson as Michaela helped him put his coat on. Michaela opened the door of the clinic and walked outside with him. "You need to take it easy for the next day or so, all right?"

"Sure thing, Dr. Quinn," Mr. Anderson replied as he reached in his pocket with his good arm and pulled out some dollar bills. Handing Michaela two crisp bills, he looked at her and asked, "Will that cover it?"

"Yes, that's fine," answered Michaela as she took the money and placed it in her pocket. As she turned to go back inside the clinic she noticed the wagon still sitting in front of the boarding house. She saw Brian go to the back of the wagon and retrieve the picnic basket and turn to go back inside. She then saw Sully helping Mrs. Cowan into the wagon and the two of them riding off, waving good-bye to Brian. She wondered why Brian and Josh were not in the wagon with them and then she wondered where Sully and Sheryl were going without them. She was just about ready to yell for Brian when she heard Katie yelling her name. "I'm coming, Katie," she called as she turned and headed back inside the clinic.

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The ride out to the hotsprings was a quiet one. Neither one spoke, each again lost in their own thoughts. They had ridden almost fifteen minutes without a word between them. Sheryl decided to break the silence. "I didn't sleep much last night, did you?"

"No," was Sully's curt reply. Again silence. Sully took a deep breath and then into the silence he spoke. "I never had a choice, not really. From the moment I laid eyes on Josh, I never had a choice.

Sheryl waited several moments before saying anything. "What does that mean?" she questioned.

Sully stopped the wagon and turned to look at Sheryl. "He's my son. I can't turn my back on him," was Sully's simple reply.

Placing her hand on Sully's arm, she spoke softly. "Are you sure, Sully. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

Letting out a sigh, Sully looked into Sheryl's eyes and continued. "I prayed to the Spirits last night, all night really, for guidance. But I already knew what I had to do. There's no denying that Josh is my son. How could I turn my back on him, especially now when he needs a father so much. What kind of man would I be if I turned my back on him now?"

"Have you told Michaela?" Sheryl asked in a mere whisper.

Sully swallowed over the lump in his throat. "No, I wanted to talk to you first before saying anything. I thought it would be best if we talked it over before saying anything to anyone."

"Yes, I suppose that was best. Would you like me to tell Josh?" asked Sheryl.

"No, please, I think we should both tell him. But I'd like to tell Michaela first." Sully spoke softly, "if that's all right with you?"

"Yes, of course. I won't say anything until you tell me to. When are you going to tell Michaela?" questioned Sheryl.

Sully was silent a moment. "Tonight, I'll tell her tonight," he spoke softly as he kept his eyes straight on the road. Sheryl noticed the quiver in his voice and glanced sideways at him. She thought his eyes looked moist but quickly turned her head. They rode the remainder of the way to the hotsprings in silence.

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Josh and Brian had been drawing for almost an hour. Josh had been feeling very tired and was even feeling a little sick to his stomach, but he hadn't said anything to Brian. He knew his ma already worried about him to much, and he didn't want Brian to worry either. But by 10:00 he couldn't hide it any longer. He thought he was going to be sick.

Brian looked up at Josh to show him his drawing of the white buffalo. He noticed that Josh had begun to turn pale. "Are you all right, Josh?" Brian asked worriedly.

"I don't feel so good, Brian. My stomach really hurts?" complained Josh.

"Come on. I'll take you to ma's clinic. She'll fix you up real good," answered Brian. He helped Josh up and then they walked the short distance to the clinic.

"Ma, Ma," yelled Brian as he slammed open the clinic door with Josh leaning on one arm.

Michaela had been sitting at her desk updating her patient records, Katie was asleep in the corner. "Brian, what is it?" asked Michaela as she jumped up to help Brian bring Josh to the examining table.

"It's Josh, he ain't, I mean he isn't, feeling good. Pa told me to bring him here if he felt any worse. He was just real tired this morning," answered Brian.

"You did the right thing Brian. Now Josh, what seems to be wrong. Are you hurting anywhere?" asked Michaela as she presumed her doctor role. She placed her stethoscope around her neck and listened to his heart and then she placed her hand on his forehead.

"My stomach hurts a little," Josh told her shyly. "I think I might have to throw up."

Turning to Brian she asked him to get the wash basin off the cabinet self. "I'll give you something to help your stomach and then if you still feel sick, I'll leave this wash basin beside your bed," explained Michaela as she turned to get some medicine from the cabinet.

After Josh had taken the medicine and had laid on the clinic table a few more minutes, Michaela asked, "Josh, would you like to go upstairs and lay in one of the recovery beds. Brian can stay with you if you like? At least until your mother comes back."

"Okay," Josh meekly replied. "But can Brian and me still draw. I don't want to go to sleep yet."

"Yes, I think that would be ok," answered Michaela. "But if you get tired, you tell Brian so you can go to sleep. The medicine I gave you might make you sleepy in a little while." Michaela then turned to Brian and asked, "Brian, why didn't you and Josh go with Sully and Mrs. Cowan?"

"Well, when we got there Josh wasn't feeling up to going fishin'," Brian replied, "he was real tired, so Sully asked if I would stay with him while he took Mrs. Cowan to see the hotsprings."

"Sully asked you to stay with him?" questioned Michaela.

"Yeah, he said he still wanted to show Mrs. Cowan the hotsprings and he promised he'd take me and Josh another time," Brian answered nonchalantly

"Well, thank you Brian," Michaela uttered, trying not to show her concern. "Why don't you help Josh upstairs now?"

Michaela and Brian helped Josh down from the examining table. Brian was ready to help him upstairs when he remembered. "Wait," Brian said, "I left my sketch books in your room, Josh. We can't draw without them. I'll go get them."

"Wait, Brian", interrupted Michaela. "I have to go over to Mr. Bray's to pick up a few supplies so why don't I get them for you while you help Josh upstairs."

"All right, ma", Brian answered. "We left them on his bed in a folder. But don't look at them yet, please. Not until we're finished."

"All right, Brian," Michaela said smiling. "I won't look, I promise. Will you listen for Katie, she's asleep right now."

Grabbing her shawl off the rack, Michaela wrapped it around her shoulders and headed out the door. Michaela strolled slowly down the street, deep in thought. She wondered why Sully had wanted to show the hotsprings to Sheryl. And then she thought about the way Sully was acting this morning at breakfast, and then later at the clinic. "Oh well," she thought, "I'm sure Sully has a good reason and he'll tell me when he's ready. No sense in getting vexed over nothing. It's like Sully tells me all the time, I worry too much." She smiled at that thought. Sully was always right when it came to that, she did worry too much.

Michaela passed the general store and waved to Mr. Bray who was standing outside sweeping the porch. "Good morning, Loren. Beautiful day, isn't it?" greeted Michaela.

"Morning, Dr. Mike. It would be a beautiful day if those darn stray cats wouldn't keep coming around here and doing their business all over my porch." grumbled Loren. And then remembering, he added, "Dr. Mike, your supplies came in this morning."

"Thank you, Loren. I'll be back in a little while to pick them up. I have a quick errand I must do," answered Michaela as she laughed at Loren as he tried to shoo a stray cat.

Michaela reached the boarding house and knocked on the door. Widow Stephens answered and Michaela explained the reason she was here. Widow Stephens thought it would be all right to let Michaela in the room, since Josh had sent her. Michaela followed Widow Stephens up the stairs and waited as she unlocked the door. She opened the door and let Michaela in the room and then went down the hall.

Michaela spotted the folder on the bed in the far corner. She walked over to the bed and picked up the folder, tucking it under her arm. As she turned to leave a gust of wind blew in through the open window and slammed the door shut, sending a pile of papers flying from the top shelf of the bookcase.

"Oh dear," thought Michaela as she walked over to the pile of papers on the floor and bent down to pick them up, her shawl dropping to the floor. As she bent down and picked up a handful of papers, she froze. There, staring back at her, was a picture of her husband. As she looked at all of the papers strewn around the floor, she realized they were all pictures of Sully. She stared at the pictures a moment longer, and then began shuffling through the papers, wondering why Sheryl had so many pictures of her husband in her room. As she picked up a piece of paper and looked at it closely, she gasped. There in the center of the paper was a picture of Sully, a circle drawn around his eyes. In the corner of the page was a handwritten note. It simply read, "he has his father's eyes."

And suddenly it hit her. "Oh my god!" uttered Michaela. "Sully was that man in the cabin." She felt her hands shaking, her body began to tremble. "NO! This can't be happening", she thought to herself. It felt like her lungs were cut off from all air. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She had to get out of here.

Michaela dropped the papers on the floor and ran out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind her. She hurriedly walked back to the clinic, still clutching Brian's folder under one arm. As she passed Mr. Bray's mercantile, he waved to her and said something about picking up her supplies. But she didn't hear him; she didn't hear anything or see anyone right now. Everything was a blur.

Closing the clinic door behind her, she leaned back against the door, her heart pounding. She felt like someone had just kvicked her hard in the stomach. She thought she was going to be sick. And then she heard laughter coming from upstairs. She could hear Brian and Josh laughing and talking. She took a deep breath and walked up the steps. She stood in the doorway unnoticed, watching Josh closely.

"Hi, ma," greeted Brian. "Did you get my folder?"

"Yes, here it is, Brian," Michaela managed to speak, her voice cracking slightly.

"Are you all right, ma. You look awful pale?" questioned Brian.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine Brian. Would you mind watching Katie for a little while. There's something I must do?" asked Michaela as she leaned up against the door, trying to stop her body from trembling.

"Sure, ma," Brian answered as Michaela turned and quickly left the room. She didn't stop once she got downstairs, she just walked out the front door and silently closed it behind her. As she stepped outside she saw Dorothy ride up and dismount her horse, tying it to a post outside the Gazette. Michaela walked over to Dorothy and asked, "Dorothy, may I borrow your horse." Dorothy turned around and noticed at once the lack of color in Michaela's face, how pale she had turned.

"Is something wrong, Michaela?"

"Please, Dorothy, may I borrow your horse," Michaela asked softly, her voice beginning to crack.

Dorothy placed her hand on Michaela's arm and again asked, "Michaela, what is it? What's wrong?" She was now very worried about her friend.

Not meeting Dorothy's eyes, Michaela asked again, with insistence, "Dorothy, will you just give me your horse, please." Michaela then looked into Dorothy's eyes and pleaded for her understanding. Dorothy immediately handed Michaela the reins and stepped back. She knew that now was not the time to ask questions.

Once Michaela was mounted on the horse, she dug her heels in and kicked its sides, and the horse took off at a fast run. She never looked back. She didn't know where she was headed, she just knew she wanted away from here. Away from town, away from the clinic, and most of all, she wanted away from Sully and everyone else.

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Once they arrived at the hotsprings, Sully helped Sheryl climb down from the wagon and then laid a blanket out by the water. Sheryl sat down first, and then Sully. They sat there again in silence, neither knowing what to say. Sully stared into the water, the steam rising from the surface, causing a slight sweat to appear on his forehead. He reached up and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

"What are you thinking?" asked Sheryl softly.

Sully looked up abruptly and paused a moment before speaking. "I'm scared, I guess." Sully hesitated before slowly continuing. "What if Josh hates me once he finds out that I'm his father. I wasn't there for him," Sully choked out.

"Oh, Sully," exclaimed Sheryl. "Josh won't hate you. He likes you very much. And I've talked to him about this many times. I've told him that his pa never knew about him, that he never knew I was pregnant, he never knew he had a son. He understands that." "Remember, Sully," Sheryl spoke gently, "Josh is the one who wanted to find you. It was his idea. He'll be thrilled to find out you're his father."

"I hope so," Sully replied somberly as he picked up a small stone and threw it into the water, watching the ripples quickly disappear.

Sheryl looked up and could see the anguish in Sully's eyes. She hesitated a moment before speaking. "Sully, how do you feel about being Josh's pa. How do you feel about having another son?"

Sully slowly met her gaze. He sighed heavily before answering. "I was shocked at first. I just couldn't believe it. But all I had to do was look into Josh's eyes and know that it was true." Sully paused a moment before smiling at Sheryl and said, "I love the idea now. I have a son; my own flesh and blood. All I want to do now is make up for lost time. I want to take him fishing, teach him how to hunt, do all the things I've done with Brian. I want to hug him, to tell him I love him, to be a real pa for him."

Sully looked up at Sheryl and saw her eyes moist with unshed tears. She smiled slightly at him and said, "Thank you. You don't know how happy that makes me. All I want is for Josh to be happy. I know he want's the same things as you do. He'll be proud to have you as his father."

After taking a few minutes to compose herself, Sheryl spoke again. "Sully, how do you think your family will take this news?"

Sully stared at the ground around him, drawing circles in the dirt with a stick. Looking up he took a deep breath and stared into the water once again. "Katie's too young to know anything, she'll love him like a brother, just like she loves Brian or Matthew. And Matthew and Colleen, I think they'll understand and will accept him into our family. And there's Brian. I know he really likes Josh and I also know he'd love to have a younger brother. I think he'll like having Josh as a brother, I just don't want him to feel that I love him any less just because Josh is my flesh and blood. I still love him, just as much as I love Katie or Josh. He's still my son, no matter what."

"Of course he is," stated Sheryl. "But you have enough love for all of them. I can tell that. And I don't want Josh to take the place of any of your other children."

"You're right, I know," Sully told her. "Brian felt a little left out after Katie was born. But we made him realize that we loved him just the same, no less because we had our own child."

Sheryl looked around and saw how beautiful it looked around them. The sun shining down on the hotsprings, the steam slowing rising from the water, creating an eerie mist. The trickling of the water over some rocks. "It's beautiful here," she spoke softly as she leaned back on both hands and stared out over the water. "So peaceful and tranquil."

Sully laughed slightly aloud.

"What's so funny?" asked Sheryl.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about something Michaela said to me this morning, about the hotsprings?"

"Oh," Sheryl replied, not wanting to pry any further. "And what about Dr. Mike, what will she think about all of this?" Sheryl asked hesitantly.

Sully's face suddenly changed. She could see the worry lines crease his forehead, the color suddenly drain from his face. "Michaela," Sully spoke in almost a whisper. "That's what scares me the most."

Sheryl was surprised by his answer. "What was he afraid of?" she thought to herself. "Sully," she asked apprehensively, "are you afraid Michaela won't be able to accept Josh as your son?"

"No, that's not it," Sully answered honestly. He paused briefly, trying to find the right words. "Michaela is the most kindest, sincerest person I've ever known, and she would never hold something like that against Josh. I know she will be able to love Josh and accept him as part of our family, just like Matthew, Colleen and Brian are part of our family. Michaela loves all children. What I'm afraid of is what this will do to us."

"I'm not sure I understand?" interrupted Sheryl.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't", Sully replied as he tried to force a smile. "I'll try to explain, if I can." Sully shifted positions and picking up another pebble, he watched it skip across the water's surface before disappearing into the water. "Michaela and I have always tried to be honest with each other. We've built our relationship on trust and honesty. We've never kept secrets from each other, or lied to each other. But now, I'm afraid that I've broken that trust, and I don't know if she'll be able to forgive me," Sully's last sentence trailed off in a whisper, his voice beginning to crack.

"But Sully, surely Michaela will understand that this all happened before you ever met her. And you didn't actually lie to her, you just never told her," Sheryl stated.

Sully took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Turning to Sheryl he said, "But I did lie to her, a long time ago, before we were married." Sully paused a moment as he remembered the scene outside the barn. It was when Kathryn, the white woman who had been raised by Indians, had come to town. She had fallen in love with Sully, and he had been intrigued by her. She had even kissed him. Michaela had confronted Sully with the fact that Kathryn was in love with him, and an argument followed. He remembered her words clearly as she asked him, "Have you been with another woman since Abagail died? I want the truth." And he had replied "No you don't" and had turned and walked away. He hadn't been able to tell her the truth then, and now he feared the truth would come between them. "I should have told her then, when she asked me, but I was afraid, she was already so angry with me."

"Sully," Sheryl spoke softly as she reached over to pick a leaf off her shawl. "We don't have to do this you know. I appreciate the fact that you want to be Josh's father, but the one thing that I do not want is for this to come between you and your family. Josh and I both talked about this and we both agreed that we wouldn't let it break up a family."

"There's something else," said Sully, avoiding her eyes. "It's about us, you and me."

"Sully...," Sheryl interrupted, but Sully held up his hand and continued.

"Please, just let me say this. About that night. I don't really remember much about that night. Many times over the years I've questioned if it really even happened, or was it just a dream. I was devastated by Abagail's and my baby's death, and I had lost all will to live. I don't remember being with you that night, all I remember is that I was holding Abagail again. I was in that cabin with her that night. I'm so sorry for what I did to you, if I hurt you in any way. I was so ashamed of myself that I blocked it from my mind. I never wanted to remember that night again, I felt so guilty."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Sully," Sheryl told him. "I've never regretted that night, in any way. I somehow always knew that you weren't really with me that night, you even called me Abagail, remember. But I had never had a man treat me with such kindness as you did that night, and I never knew that being with a man could be so, well..., so wonderful. So I will always remember that night as being special, even though it means something different to you. But I do know that it changed my life forever, and for that I will always be grateful to you."

"Sheryl, Michaela said something to me the night I came home. She didn't really tell me much about you, only that you had hopes of meeting that man again, and maybe even continuing a relationship." Sully paused to look at Sheryl, whose face was now flushed. "Sheryl," continued Sully, "I love Michaela more than anything in this world, she is my heartsong, my soulmate. I can't imagine spending my life without her and she knows that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I would never do anything to hurt her and I will never let anything, or anyone, come between us."

"I understand, Sully. I don't want to come between you and Michaela. I can see how much you love her," Sheryl replied. And then looking down at the ground she spoke almost in a whisper, "It was only a fantasy, my own little dream."

"It's all right," Sully told her. "There's nothing wrong with dreamin'. But I just wanted to let you know straight up how it was between me and Michaela and that there could never be anything between us. No matter what happens, I'll never stop loving Michaela."

"I give you my word, Sully. I will never do anything to come between you and Michaela," said Sheryl. "And I know Michaela will be able to forgive you. Just in the short time I've known her, I know she's a very special and forgiving person. Just be honest with her now and I know you'll be able to work everything out."

Sully attempted a smile and replied, "I'm sure you're right." He looked up at the sky and noticed the sun high overhead. "We better be getting back now. Colleen's train will be here soon and I promised Michaela I'd be there to meet it."

"Yes, we should be heading back now," Sheryl stated as she stood up, picking up the blanket and folding it neatly in her arms.

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Michaela let her horse take the lead, but she never slowed down. They continued at a fast run, her hair whipping around her face, the tears streaming down her cheeks. All she knew was that she wanted to get far away from Colorado Springs as fast as she could. Her mind was in a whirl. She couldn't think straight. She didn't know how long she had been riding, or how far she had gone.

Michaela pulled up alongside a stream and climbed off of her horse, letting her drink the cool water from the stream. She sat down beside a log and stared at the water for several minutes. The tears kept coming, she wasn't able to stop them. She couldn't believe the hurt she felt right now, the betrayal. She couldn't stop thinking about that night in the cabin. All of the things Sheryl had told her about that night, the intimate and private details, had been about her husband. Why hadn't Sully ever told her about it. Why had he hidden it from her all of these years.

Suddenly Michaela felt sick. Her stomach felt like it was turned upside down. She tried not to think about it, tried to quell the uneasiness she felt, but it was no use. She suddenly bent over and threw up. After there was nothing left in her stomach, she cupped her hands and drank some of the cool, clean water, rinsing out her mouth, then splashing some onto her flushed face. She began to shiver and as she reached for her shawl, she realized she no longer had it.

Michaela took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself, but she couldn't stop herself. She was shaking now and the tears turned into sobs. She sat there on the ground, crying uncontrollably, her body shivering, all alone, with no one to hold or comfort her.

She sat there for awhile, until her queasiness was gone, and then she climbed back onto Dorothy's horse and once again rode off into the horizon, not knowing where she was headed, only trying to escape the pain that now consumed her body.

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Sully stopped the wagon in front of the boarding house. He climbed down and went to the other side to help Sheryl down as well. He turned to her and clearing his throat, he said, "I'll tell Michaela tonight, after the kids are in bed. I don't want to spoil her homecoming with Colleen. We can tell everyone else tomorrow, if that's all right with you?"

"Yes, whatever you want Sully," she answered as she walked into the boarding house and up the stairs, Sully following. When she got to her room she noticed that the door was standing open. She called out to Josh, but there was no answer. A worried look crossed her face. "Josh!" she yelled again, "where are you?" And then she became suddenly still, as she noticed a pile of papers strewn all over the floor. She suddenly lost all of her color and quietly mumbled, "Oh no, I hope Josh didn't find these?"

Sully looked at her and saw how pale she looked. "Sheryl, what is it? What's the matter?"

"These papers," she spoke softly, "they're newspaper clippings of you, when you were in trouble with the army. Remember, I told you about them. I think Josh may have found them. If he did, then he knows you're his father." Sheryl turned to Sully and her voice shaking, she worriedly asked, "Where could he be?"

"Don't go jumping to conclusions. We don't know for sure if he even saw these papers. Maybe he's with Brian somewhere," replied Sully, trying to calm Sheryl down. "Let's go to the clinic, maybe Michaela knows where they are."

"You're right," Sheryl quickly replied. "Let's go to the clinic," she called over her shoulder as she turned to walk out the door. Sully turned to leave when out of the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of a familiar piece of material. Slowly he walked over to the heap on the floor and picked it up. He immediately recognized it as Michaela's shawl. Now it was his turn to gasp. Sheryl turned her head when she heard him gasp and saw the shawl in his hand.

Sully turned a ghastly white and his hands began to perspire. He looked at Sheryl and she saw the fear in his eyes. He leaned up against the door and tried to steady himself. Now it was Sheryl's turn to try and reassure him. "Now Sully, it's like you said, let's not go jumping to conclusions. Let's go to the clinic and see if they're there. Come on," she said as she grabbed his arm and headed them both towards the clinic.

Out of breath, Sully opened the door to the clinic and yelled for Michaela. The main room was empty. He walked over to the door leading to the upstairs recovery rooms and peering his head inside, he yelled Michaela's name again.

"Pa, we're up here," came Brian's voice. Sully and Sheryl scurried up the stairs and followed the voices to the recovery room at the end of the hall. When they walked in they saw Brian and Josh sitting on the bed, with Katie in the middle, jumping up and down on the bed.

Sheryl ran over to the bed and put her hand on Josh's head. "Are you all right? What are you doing here?" inquired Sheryl.

"Josh wasn't feeling good so I brought him here, so ma could look after him, just like you said Sully," answered Brian proudly.

"Sick? what's wrong, Josh." Sheryl asked her son.

"Ah, ma, it's nothing. I was just feeling sick to my stomach. But Dr. Mike gave me something for it and I feel better now. She just wanted me to stay here in the clinic until you got back. Brian and me were drawing, that is until Katie woke up," Josh said jokingly as he pushed Katie softly down on the bed and she bounced back up.

"Where's your ma, Brian?" Sully asked curiously.

"Uh, I don't know," answered Brian. "She came back and said she had something to do and asked me to watch Katie."

"Came back from where?" Sheryl asked hesitantly.

Josh looked up at his ma and answered. "She went over to our room to get Brian's sketch pad. We left it on my bed when Brian brought me here. We wanted to finish our drawings so Dr. Mike offered to go get it, since she was heading that way anyways," Josh stated.

"She.. she went into your room, after you were gone?" Sully slowly asked, his voice etched with concern. He quickly glanced over at Sheryl, seeing the worried look on her face also. The look did not go unnoticed by Brian, and he heard the concern in Sully's voice.

Looking at Sully he asked, "Pa, is ma all right?"

Sully quickly looked up at Brian and seeing the questioning look in Brian's eyes he asked in return, "Why do ask?"

"Well," replied Brian, "when she came back from Josh's room she looked real pale, like she was sick or something. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was all right, but I don't think she really was. She asked me to watch Katie and then she left."

"Did she say where she was going?" Sully questioned.

"No," Brian replied, "she just left." And then hesitantly, he asked again, "Is everything all right, Sully?"

Sully looked at Brian and knew he was concerned for his ma. "Yes, everything's fine, Brian. But do you think you could watch Katie a little while longer?"

"Sure, pa," answered Brian as he picked Katie up and threw her back down on the bed again, causing her to giggle even more.

"Agin", Katie laughed as she jumped up into Brian's arms, "bounce agin."

Sully smiled at his daughter and turning once again to Brian he said, "Thanks", before turning to walk out the bedroom door, followed by Sheryl.

Once downstairs Sheryl stopped and turned to Sully, "Sully, I'm so sorry. I never meant for her to find those papers. I put them on the top shelf of the bookcase. I don't know how they got on the floor. Maybe the wind blew them off. "

Sully put his hand up to stop her. "It's okay, Sheryl. It's not your fault. None of this would have happened if I had been honest with Michaela a long time ago. If anyone's to blame, it's me." Sully paused a moment and Sheryl could see the lines of worry on his face. And she also noticed something else, a look of fear. "I have to go find her," Sully said in a little more than a whisper.

Just then the door to the clinic opened and Matthew walked in. "Hi, Sully, Mrs. Cowan," greeted Matthew. "Ma told me to be here at 12:45 sharp so we could all go and meet Colleen's train." It was then that he noticed the look on Sully's face. "Is everything all right? Where's Dr. Mike?" he asked Sully.

Without answering Matthew's questions, Sully turned to him and said, "Matthew, could you take Brian and Katie over to the train station and meet Colleen's train. There's something I gotta do."

"Sure, Sully," Matthew replied, "but where's Dr. Mike?"

"I'm gonna go look for her right now," Sully answered. "Would you please meet Colleen and then stay here in town until we get back?" Seeing the questioning look in Matthew's eyes he pleaded, "Please, Matthew. We'll talk when I get back. Right now I gotta go find your ma."

"Sure, Sully," replied Matthew, and then he turned and walked upstairs to get Katie and Brian.

Sully then turned to Sheryl and while nervously fingering the beads around his neck he said, "Why don't you get Josh and take him back to the boarding house. We'll talk later." With a nod Sheryl turned to walk upstairs while Sully walked out the clinic door.

Sully had just finished unhitching the wagon and was ready to mount Bear when Dorothy approached him. "Hello, Sully. I just came by to see if everything was all right?" Dorothy told him. And then after seeing the look of confusion on Sully's face, she added, "I don't mean to pry, but I was worried. Michaela hasn't come back yet, and she seemed real upset."

"What do you mean she seemed upset?" Sully asked with concern.

"Well, she came to me over an hour ago and wanted to borrow my horse. She looked real upset, but when I asked her about it, she didn't want to talk, she just wanted my horse. So I gave it to her and she rode off in a hurry," Dorothy replied.

"Did you see which way she was headed?" asked Sully.

"She was heading north out of town," answered Dorothy. "Is everything all right?" Dorothy asked, genuinely concerned for her friend.

Sully lightly kicked his horse and as he was riding away, he turned and yelled over his shoulder, "Thanks, Dorothy." As Dorothy stood and watched Sully ride away, she couldn't help but wonder what was going on with her best friend.

************************
Michaela continued to ride, never slowing and never looking back. Her mind continued to race, asking so many questions but never finding answers. All she wanted to do was to go to sleep and wake up and realize this is just a dream. But she knew it wasn't a dream. She kept remembering the first time she saw Josh, and she remembered the one thing she noticed about him was his eyes. Sully's eyes. How could she have not known then, when Sheryl told her all of those things? But she couldn't have known. "Sully's never been to Illinois? or has he?" she thought. "What other secrets has he kept from me?"

And that's what hurt the most. His deceit. They had never kept secrets before. They had always been open and honest with each other. So why didn't he tell me about that night. Unless there was more to it than what Sheryl told him. Maybe he has wondered about that night all of these years. Maybe he wished he hadn't left. Maybe he still had feelings for her. Maybe he has wanted to find her also. Maybe....

Her mind wandered back to that night outside the barn many years ago, before they were even engaged, after Kathryn had told her that she was staying with Sully. She remembered that night vividly. They had just walked out of the barn and she had confronted Sully about Kathryn wanting to stay with him. He had told her he didn't know anything about that and then she had replied, "That woman's in love with you. She doesn't even know about us. Why didn't you tell her?"

"Why didn't you?" was Sully's reply.

"Now you're turning it around. I'm the one who....

"You are the one who never has time to spend time with me. Who's always too nervous to be alone with me, to kiss me." answered Sully.

"If you want to be with another women, then admit it."

"I never said that."

"But you find her attractive?"

"Any man would."

"Are you in love with her?"

"Of 'course not."

"But you care for her."

"Yes, I care, but..."

"Then you have feelings for her."

"Stop puttin' words in my mouth and stop assumin' things."

My only problem was assuming that I'm the only one. Tell me, Sully, how many others have there been before me?"

"Why are you asking me that now?"

"I want to know. Have you been with another woman since Abagail died? I want the truth."

"No you don't," Sully had replied and then he had turned around and walked away. She had wondered then what he had meant by that. Now she knew.

Michaela continued to ride, letting her horse lead the way. She didn't know where she was heading, but she knew she couldn't go back, not yet. She didn't want to face Sully right now, she didn't know what she would say to him. She knew she still loved him with all of her heart, but right now her heart was breaking. So she continued on, stopping only momentarily to once again throw up. Her stomach and head were hurting now, but it didn't compare at all to the hurt she was feeling deep inside. Again the tears started to flow. Michaela hadn't even noticed the light rain that had started to fall.

****************************
Sully had been searching for over an hour. Wolf had picked up a scent but the light rain had now washed away any tracks Michaela had made. He couldn't rid himself of the knot in his stomach. "What could Michaela be thinking right now. Why hadn't he told her about this before," he scolded himself. But he knew it was useless to think that now. Now he could only pray that she would forgive him, that she would find it in her heart to understand why he had not told her long ago.

"Why didn't I tell her?" Sully thought to himself as he carefully searched the trail for any signs. But he knew why he hadn't. She had been so angry with him over Kathryn. He had almost lost her then. He knew how she felt about intimacy, he had known almost from the beginning. He knew that it was the one thing that she regarded as something sacred. After all, she had even saved herself for marriage, for him. He was afraid that if he had told her then, that she would not have wanted to be with him again, ever. He had been so afraid of losing her then, and now he was afraid of losing her now. He looked up to the Heavens and chanted a small prayer to the Spirits. A prayer of forgiveness and a prayer to keep Michaela safe.

Wolf had lost all scent of a trail. He knew that it was hopeless to continue searching for Michaela now in the rain. He knew he should turn back now, that the children were waiting for him in town. He knew he would have to answer their questions. So with reluctance, Sully turned his horse around and headed back into town.

***********************
"There's something I have to tell you," Sully spoke as he looked around the room of the clinic. Sitting there were Matthew, Brian and Colleen, with Katie sitting on her lap. He had asked Sheryl to bring Josh to the clinic also. They all watched Sully intensely, wondering why he had asked them all here, and why he had asked Sheryl and Josh here as well. And they were all still wondering where Dr. Mike was.

"Well," Sully started slowly, "you all know the reason that Mrs. Cowan, I mean Sheryl, and her son Josh came to Colorado Springs." Matthew, Brian and Josh all nodded their heads. And then remembering that Colleen had just arrived, he looked at her and said, "They came here to search for Josh's real pa." Sully hesitated a moment to gauge the reaction of each, but noone seemed to realized what he was trying to say. "Well," Sully struggled, seeing no easy way to say this. And then turning to Josh he looked into his eyes and said quietly, "Josh, I'm your pa."

There was momentary silence around the room. Suddenly Josh jumped up and threw his arms around Sully. Sully was somewhat taken aback but then quickly hugged Josh tighter. Josh looked up to his mother and asked, "Really, ma? Sully is really my pa?"

"Yes, Josh," Sheryl spoke softly, "Sully is really your pa."

Josh continued to hold onto Sully's neck for several moments longer and Sully responded by holding him tightly. Sully pulled slightly back and looked at Josh's face, relieved to see a huge smile across it. Josh then let go of Sully and turned to Brian. "Brian," Josh exclaimed, "this means that we're brothers!"

Brian got up from the chair he had been sitting in and walked over to Sully. "Is he really my brother?" Brian hesitated.

"Yes, Brian," Sully replied, reaching out and putting his arm around Brian, pulling him closer. "Josh is your brother, just like Katie is your sister."

Brian looked at Sully and with sincerity he said, "I'm glad he's my brother. I've always wanted a little brother to take fishing and to teach him things, just like Matthew taught me," Brian said proudly as he looked over at Matthew. And then he put his arm around Josh and smiling he said, "Now we're not only friends, we're brothers. Real brothers. I'm glad you're my brother."

Josh was beaming now, and looking up at Brian he said, "Me too. And if I could have picked anyone to be my real pa, I would have picked you, Sully."

Sully then stood up and turned towards Matthew and Colleen, who had been silent thus far. Matthew stood up and extended his hand towards Sully. "Congratulations, Sully. I'm happy for you, really. I know what this must mean to you. And Josh couldn't have a better pa." Matthew said truthfully.

Colleen shifted Katie to her other hip and smiling at Sully she said, "That goes for me too, Sully. I'm happy for the both of you."

Sully looked first at Matthew, and then towards Colleen. He looked into their eyes to see if they were truly happy for him, and with relief he could tell that they had both been sincere. "I know you'll be a good pa to Josh," Colleen continued. "You've always been there for us, Sully." And then after a moment Colleen looked into Sully's eyes and softly said, "We'll get through this together, as a family, just like we always do."

With a nod Sully silently thanked Colleen for her words. They all knew that the one person missing from their family right now was Michaela. An awkward silence hung over them.

"Does Dr. Mike know?" Matthew quietly asked, breaking the silence.

Sully glanced quickly at Sheryl and then back at Matthew. "Yes, she knows, Matthew. She found out by accident, this morning. That's why she left so suddenly," Sully answered, his voice shaky and his eyes clouded over with worry. Colleen stood up and walked over to Sully, placing her hand on his arm. "She'll be back, Sully. She just needs time to think," Colleen spoke gently. And then hesitating a moment, she asked "How did she find out?"

"I'm afraid it was my fault really," interrupted Sheryl. Several pairs of eyes now turned their attention to her. "I had a collection of newspaper clippings about Sully when he was in trouble with the army. That's how I knew where to find him. Josh sent Michaela to our room today to get something he and Brian had been working on. I had the clippings on the top shelf, but the wind must have blown them off when Michaela came in and she found the papers."

"That must have been why she looked so white when she came back from Josh's room," Brian stated. And then suddenly sounding frightened, Brian asked, "Pa, ma's coming back, isn't she?"

"Of course she is," Matthew answered immediately, before Sully could speak. "Like Colleen said, Brian, ma just needed to get away for awhile and think. She'll be back real soon. You know she'd never leave us."

"Yeah, you're right, Matthew," Brian answered, sounding somewhat reassured. "I hope she's okay though, it's been raining a long time now."

"She'll be fine, Brian," Sully said, trying to sound convincing. It was his turn to reassure Brian now. "Your ma knows how to take care of herself. She's probably waiting out the rain in a shelter somewhere right now."

Sully walked over to where Colleen was sitting and reached his arms out for Katie. She immediately went into his arms. "And what do you think of all of this, Kates?" Sully asked her, knowing she didn't understand anything going on around her. He walked over to Josh with Katie in his arms and pointing to Josh, he said, "Katie, this is your brother, Josh. Can you say Josh."

"Browther," Katie said. Laughter erupted from everyone. "You can always make us laugh," Sully said smiling as he placed a kiss on top of Katie's head.

"Sully," Matthew spoke up, "how did you and Sheryl meet? I mean you don't have to tell us, if you don't want to. It's really none of our business."

"No, Matthew, that's all right," Sully told him. "No more secrets. I think you all have the right to know everything." He paused a moment and looking at Sheryl, she gave her approval with a nod of her head.

For the next hour Sully and Sheryl took turns telling the story of how some nine years ago they had met one night in a cabin and how that one night would change their lives forever. Sheryl told them of their search for Josh's pa and how they had arrived in Colorado Springs, just three days ago.

The clock on the clinic wall suddenly chimed and Sully looked up to see that it was already 5:30. Sully stood up and walking over to Colleen, he handed Katie back to her, now asleep in his arms. "It's getting to be about supper time," Sully explained. "Katie will want to eat when she wakes up. I think the best things for us to do right now is to go home and get supper started. We can wait for your ma there."

As everyone started to stand up, Sheryl turned to Sully and said, "I think it would be better if Josh and I stayed here in town right now. You take your family home, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you," Sully replied. And then turning to Josh he knelt down and put his arm around his shoulder. "I want you to know Josh that I'm real proud to be your pa and I'm gonna try to be a good father to you. But I don't want you to ever think that I'm trying to take the place of your other pa, the one that raised you. He'll still always be your pa. You'll just have two pa's, just like Brian." At that Josh turned to Brian and smiled.

Then he put his arm around Sully's neck and said, "Thanks. But can I still call you Sully, instead of pa, for now anyways."

Sully smiled and mussing up Josh's hair with his hand, he said, "That sounds fine with me. Now, I think we'd better head home, and you better go with your ma. I'll see you tomorrow, I promise." Josh gave him a big hug, and Sully responded with an even bigger one.

*******************
Michaela was shivering uncontrollably now. The light drizzle that had fallen all day had now turned into a heavy downpour. She knew she needed to find shelter. Up ahead a few hundred yards loomed a grouping of large rocks. She headed for those rocks, hoping to find some kind of shelter, a cave maybe. Within minutes she had reached the rocks, and dismounting her horse, she tied it to a nearby tree. She then walked around the rocks and on the other side, she found a small cave. It wasn't a cave really, but more of a small overhang that provided shelter from the wind and rain.

The leaves from the surrounding trees had shed and blown up against the rocks, creating a soft blanket for her to sit on. She knelt down and felt the leaves. They were dry. Her body exhausted, her head still pounding and her stomach still in knots, she collapsed on the blanket of leaves. She scooted herself as far back against the rocks as possible. She drew her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her knees. And once again she gave in to her overwhelming emotions, the sobs racking her body.

It was much later when Michaela finally stopped crying. She took a deep, cleansing breath. "That's enough," she uttered aloud. She had to calm down and get control of herself. She had to stop and think this through. She had a family to think about. They were probably worrying about her right now. This was no longer about her and Sully, she had others to consider. She couldn't run away from this. She had to go back and talk to Sully.

Sully had a son, and she couldn't change that. She now had to find a way to get through this. "Sully and I have been through so much already, I know we can get through this, together," she thought. "A son, Sully has a son. But he wasn't her son." That thought turned her stomach even more and shot shivers up her spine. So shaking herself lightly, she pushed those thoughts far from her mind. "My feelings aren't important right now," she said to herself. "What's important is Josh. We have to do what's best for Josh. He needs a father now more than ever. And Sully needs my support. I know this isn't easy for him either." She leaned her head back against the cold rocks and closed her eyes. She knew it was time to go home.

Michaela heard a noise and her eyes shot open. She must have dozed off because it was almost dark now. She slowly looked around, taking in her surroundings, and then she remembered where she was and the pain of Sully's betrayal came gushing back. Her stomach felt queasy once again and her head throbbed. She tried to slowly stand up but the nausea came back full force and she once again bent down and vomited, her body continuing to heave.

After several minutes had passed her stomach began to settle. With determination she stood up and scolded herself. "Enough is enough. I have to stop thinking about Sully and concentrate on what's important, and right now that is Josh." She walked out from under her small shelter and lifted her face upwards, opening her mouth to catch the falling rain. After rinsing out her mouth she walked to her horse and untying it, she climbed on and headed back in the direction she had come.

**************************
Talk around the supper table was unusually quiet that night. Colleen resumed her role as chef and had prepared a wonderful dinner for all of them. But noone really had much of an appetite. They all noticed the empty plate at the end of the table. Even though noone said anything, Michaela was never far from their minds. Colleen talked briefly about college and Matthew and Brian filled her in on what had been happening in Colorado Springs the last few months.

After supper Sully gave Katie her bath and put her to bed. Then he went in to his and Michaela's bedroom and started a fire. He wanted the room to be nice and warm when Michaela returned. He knew she would be tired and cold and he wanted the room to be warm and toasty.

After stoking the fire and turning down the bed, Sully returned downstairs where he found Matthew, Colleen and Brian sitting in front of the fire. They were still busy catching up on the past few months events so noone noticed when Sully came quietly down the stairs and walked over to the window, staring blankly outside. After several minutes Matthew looked up and noticed Sully standing there. He got up and walked over to Sully, placing his hand on his shoulder. "She'll be all right, Sully," Matthew gently assured him.

Sully turned to see Matthew standing behind him. "I hope so," Sully whispered.

"She probably just needed to get away to think. It's probably the same thing you would have done," continued Matthew. "I bet once she calms down and thinks about it, she'll be home."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Sully answered, still not convinced. "It was probably such a shock to her. I didn't mean for her to find out like this," Sully spoke, his voice slightly cracking. He looked up at Matthew and his eyes moist, he choked "I should have told her about it a long time ago."

"Yeah, you probably should have," Matthew gently reproached. "But like you've always told me, you can't change what's already happened. You and Dr. Mike will work it all out, you always do."

Sully turned to face Matthew and extending his hand to shake, he replied, "Thanks, Matthew. It means allot that all of you are so supportive about this. I know it was a shock to all of you, also. It was a shock to me, too, when I first saw them. But I couldn't turn my back on him, and I only pray that your ma will understand."

"Of course she'll understand," Matthew replied. "You've always been there for any of us, and she'll understand that you need to be there for Josh, also. That's just the kind of person ma is, right?"

"You're right, Matthew. I don't even know why I'm so worried. She'll understand," Sully said, trying to reassure himself of Matthew's words.

"Well, it's getting late and I think I'll head on up to bed. It looks like Colleen and Brian are about ready also," Matthew remarked, pointing in the direction of the living room. Sully turned to look and saw Colleen yawning and Brian trying hopelessly to keep his eyes open.

"Good night, Matthew. I think I'll stay up and wait for your ma," answered Sully.

"Yeah, I figured you would," Matthew replied. "Good night, Sully," and with that he turned and walked up the stairs, followed by Colleen and Brian.

Sully looked up at the clock and noticed that it was almost midnight. The children had long ago gone off to bed. Michaela still hadn't come home and he was worried. He knew he couldn't go look for her, that he would have to wait until it was light. He once again stared out the window, watching and waiting.

Brian slowly came down the stairs and saw Sully standing by the window, staring out into the darkness. He slowly walked over to Sully and cleared his throat lightly. Startled out of his reverie, Sully turned to see Brian standing there, watching him. "Ma ain't home yet?" wondered Brian.

"No, not yet," Sully answered and then once again turned to look out the window.

"Pa, do you think she's all right?" Brian questioned softly. Sully could hear the concern in his voice and knew that Brian was worried about his ma. "I'm sure she's fine, Brian. Like I said before, your ma knows how to take care of herself. I'm sure she'll be home soon," Sully stated assuringly, not sure who he was trying to convince more, Brian or himself.

"But you're worried about her, aren't ya pa?" Brian gently asked.

Turning around to look at Brian, Sully quietly answered, "Yes, I am, Brian. If she doesn't come back by morning Matthew and I'll go look for her." And then deciding to change the subject, Sully asked, "Brian, how do you really feel about Josh being your brother?"

To Sully's relief, Brian was quick to reply. "I think it's great, pa," Brian answered truthfully. "I've always wanted a little brother and now I've got one. I'm glad you're Josh's pa, really. And I'll try to be a good big brother to him, just like Matthew was to me. I know with him being sick and all that he might need someone to talk to sometimes and I wanna be there for him, like I was with Anthony."

Sully looked at Brian full of pride. "Thanks, Brian. That really means a lot to me. But I want you to know that just because Josh is my son, I'll never love you any less. You're still my son also," Sully stated. "And if you ever feel any different, I want you to promise me that you'll tell me."

"I will, pa, I promise," Brian smiled as he stifled a yawn. "I guess I'll go back to bed. I'm sure ma will be home soon." And then turning to leave, he paused. "I love you, pa."

"I love you too, son," returned Sully as he reached out to give Brian a hug. As Brian turned to leave, Sully stopped him. "Uh, Brian, would you mind putting a log on the fire in our bedroom. I want the room to be nice and warm when your ma comes home."

"Sure, pa," Brian answered as he turned to walk back up the stairs.

*************************
Michaela lifted her face upwards, feeling the cool rain wash over her fevered face. Her stomach was hurting and her head felt like it was going to explode, but she knew she must not stop. It was late, very late, and she knew Sully must be worried. She also knew he would start looking for her at first light, so she trotted on, carefully guiding her horse along the dark path.

She tried not to think about the days' events, to block those thoughts from her mind. Her only goal right now was to get home and climb into a warm, dry bed. "Think of good things," Sully had once told her. So she thought of Katie sleeping snugly in her bed, and then she remembered that Colleen was coming home today, and she felt disappointed for having missed her train. Then her thoughts turned to Sully and she thought about the night they had shared together only two nights ago. She desperately needed to feel his arms around her, to tell her that everything was going to be all right. And with that thought, she quickened her pace, now anxious to reach home.

**********************
Dong! Dong! Dong! Sully's head jerked up. He looked up at the clock as it finished it's third chime. "Three o'clock", thought Sully as he tried to shake the fog from his mind. "Where could she be?" he wondered. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and peered into the darkness once again. But when he looked out the window this time, he saw a figure riding into the barn. "Thank God," he thought as he grabbed his coat off the hook and walked hurriedly out the door.

When Sully entered the barn it was to see Michaela standing next to her horse shivering, struggling with the saddle. Sully walked over to her and reaching up, lifted the saddle off the horse's back and flung it over the rail. He turned to her and asked softly, "You're not hurt are you?"

"No, I'm all right" she spoke in a whisper, avoiding Sully's eyes.

"Michaela, I'm so sorry..." Sully started to apologize.

Michaela abruptly held up her hand and pleaded, "Sully, please, can we talk about this in the morning. I'm cold, my stomach aches and my head is pounding. All I want to do right now is go to bed."

Sully looked at Michaela and in the dim light of the lantern he noticed how pale she was. He saw her swollen eyes, red and bloodshot. He lightly touched her flushed cheeks. He reached up and felt her forehead. "Are you sure you're all right," he asked gently, his voice full of concern. "You feel warm."

"I'm all right, Sully, I just need to lie down." She rubbed her temples with her fingers and then shivered slightly.

Sully reached out and put his arms around her. Michaela leaned her head on his shoulder, pulling him closer for warmth. Sully felt her shiver and so holding her tighter, he began briskly rubbing her back and arms, trying to warm her. Sully pulled back slightly and lifted Michaela's chin until her eyes met his. What he saw ripped his heart in two. Her eyes were puffy and red, but even worse, they were filled with pain, pain that he had caused.

Leaning down to kiss the top of her head, Sully spoke softly. "Why don't you go on in and get some dry clothes on and go to bed. I'll finish out here."

"Thank you, Sully", Michaela whispered before turning to leave, and then pausing momentarily she looked at Sully and whispered, "I love you."

When Sully entered their bedroom, Michaela was already in bed. He walked over to the fireplace and added a few more logs. He smiled when he noticed Michaela's clothes. She had taken them off in front of the fire and had left them in a heap on the floor. This definitely was not like Michaela, he thought. He picked up her clothes and hung them up to dry by the mantle. Then he walked over to his side of the bed, removed his clothes, and climbed in.

Michaela lay in bed on her side, curled up in a ball, her arms wrapped around her stomach. As Sully gently slid his arm underneath her to pull her closer to him, he felt her body grow tense. He could feel her body still shivering and her feet were ice cold. He was unsure of how Michaela was feeling towards him right now, but he sensed that she needed to be held and comforted. He rolled onto his side and pulled Michaela into the curve of his body. He wrapped his other arm snugly around her, his hand laying against her cheek. Michaela slowly began to relax as a single tear slid down her cheek. Sully felt the tear wet his hand and gently wiped it away with his thumb. He lightly kissed her temple and whispered, "Shh, it's okay, everything's gonna be all right, I promise."

Michaela felt her husband's arms around her and heard him whisper in her ear. But she didn't speak, she couldn't. She snuggled closer to him and tried to forget about everything that had happened today. She tried to forget the pain in her stomach and the pounding in her head. She tried to concentrate on Sully's arms tightly around her, feeling his warmth and security, until finally she dozed off into a restless sleep.

A Dark Secret continued ....