A Dark Secret - part 4

Sully felt the warmth from the morning sun on his face. As he opened his eyes, he could tell that the sun had been up for some time now. He looked over at Michaela and noticed that she was still sleeping. He rolled onto his side so that he was facing Michaela and gently reached over to brush the hair off of her face. He felt her cheeks and they still felt warm to him. He heard her moan lightly as she rolled away from him. He once again became concerned and lightly shook her. "Michaela," he whispered in her ear. "Michaela, are you okay?" But he received no response, she was still in a deep sleep.

He decided to let her sleep. He figured sleep would be the best medicine for her right now. He sniffed the air and could smell the aroma of coffee brewing downstairs, and voices rising upward. He quietly got out of bed and after washing up, put his clothes on and walked downstairs.

Colleen had already made breakfast and had Katie in her highchair. Brian was sitting next to Katie, trying to coax her to eat her eggs. Katie was not interested in eating, she was crying for her ma. Sully walked over to the table and bent over to give Katie a kiss. When Katie saw her pa, she cried even more.

"Mama up, mama" cried Katie. Sully lifted Katie into his arms and patted her back,

"Shh, Katie, mama will be up later. She's tired right now. You can see her later," Sully assured his daughter. Katie seemed to understand what Sully said and stopped her crying. She then saw Sully's beads around his neck and decided to play with those instead.

"Sully," Colleen queried, "is ma all right?" Sully looked up at Colleen just as Matthew walked through the front door.

He looked at his three older children and said, "Yeah, she's fine, just tired now. She came home around three o'clock." And then looking at Matthew he asked, "Matthew, would you mind taking everyone into town for church this morning. I'm gonna let your ma sleep and then we'll talk when she wakes up."

Matthew glanced at Colleen and Brian and then looked at Sully. "Sure thing, Sully. I've already got the wagon hitched up and waiting outside. We'll stay in town after church and have a picnic, just like we do any other Sunday. That way you and Dr. Mike can have some time alone," Matthew replied with understanding.

"Pa," Brian spoke apprehensively, "What about Josh. You promised him that you would see him today. What should I tell him?" Brian immediately received a stern look from Colleen and Matthew.

Sully hesitated briefly before speaking. "Why don't you invite them here for dinner tonight," Sully told him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea," interrupted Colleen.

Sully looked at Colleen and then at Matthew. "Yeah, it will be okay. I think we all need to sit down together and talk anyways. And I did make a promise to Josh," Sully explained.

Matthew glanced at Colleen and shrugging his shoulders, he said, "All right then, we'll come back around three o'clock, and we'll bring Josh and his mother with us."

"Thanks, Matthew," Sully spoke before kissing Katie and placing her back into her highchair. "Now, little Kates, how 'bout you finish your plate for your pa and I'll let you wear my beads today, how's that?"

"Beads," Katie echoed her pa as everyone laughed in unison.

"Sully," Colleen softly spoke, "would it be all right if I invited Andrew for dinner. I haven't seen him yet, but we're meeting before church this morning. I wanted to invite him to come home with me, if that's all right with you?"

"Sure, that's fine," Sully smiled before turning once again to Katie, lifting her out of her highchair and handing her to Colleen. "Why don't you get Katie ready to go into town with you. I'll clean up here."

Sully stood watching as the wagon pulled away, not turning to go back inside until it was well out of sight. He slowly walked back inside and poured himself a cup of coffee and then sat down in one of the wingback chairs. He gazed into the fire for a long time, lost in thought. He knew he would have to wake Michaela soon, but at the same time he was reluctant to do so. He didn't know how she would respond to him. Would she be angry with him? disappointed in him? would she be able to forgive him for keeping such a secret? He sighed deeply and swallowed over the lump now in his throat. He would have to wake Michaela soon, they needed to talk. He stood up and absentmindedly began to stoke the fire.

Michaela slowly opened her eyes, squinting from the light shining through the window. She held her hand up over her eyes, letting them adjust to the bright morning light. Her head was still hurting, though the pounding had ceased somewhat. She stretched lazily, her body feeling drained and achy. She sat up and felt her stomach cramp, as it had done all throughout the night. She rubbed her stomach with her left hand before throwing her legs over the side of the bed. She heard movement downstairs and knew that Sully would be coming upstairs soon.

She slowly walked over to the wash basin and began her morning ritual. After washing she walked over to her closet and picked out a simple blue dress which she laid at the end of her bed. She unbuttoned her nightgown and sliding it off of her shoulders, she let it drop to the floor. And that's when she noticed the blood staining her gown. Disappointment swelled up and threatened to spill over in the form of tears. "My monthly," she uttered aloud, trying desperately now to hold back the tears. And then she heard Sully coming up the steps. She bit her upper lip, wiped away the tears, quickly dressed and walked over to her vanity and began brushing her hair vigorously. She did not meet Sully's eyes when he walked into the room.

Sully opened the door, surprised to see Michaela awake and dressed. He walked over to the vanity and stood behind her, gently reaching down to massage her shoulders. A worried look crossed his face as he felt her unusually warm neck. "Morning'," Sully greeted softly, looking at Michaela in the mirror.

"Good morning," Michaela answered in return as she continued to brush her hair, still avoiding his eyes.

"How ya feeling," Sully asked with concern.

"Better," was Michaela's curt reply. She placed the brush down on the table and taking a small portion of hair from each side, she pinned it behind her head with a haircomb. Then scooting out from under Sully's gentle touch, she stood and walked over to their bed. She pulled back the covers and began stripping the sheets. She noticed a small amount of blood on those as well.

"There's some breakfast downstairs for you," Sully spoke into the silence.

"I'm not hungry," Michaela replied.

Sully tried again. "Michaela, you gotta eat something. You haven't eaten since yesterday morning," Sully encouraged.

Michaela glanced up at Sully and saw the worried look on his face. "Sully, I just don't think I could eat anything right now. Maybe later," she pleaded.

"Why," Sully quickly asked with great concern, "what's wrong with your stomach. You said it hurt last night also. Is something wrong, Michaela." Michaela looked up at Sully and seeing the worried look on his face forced a slight smile.

"I'm fine, really, Sully. My stomach is just a little sore, that's all. That's normal after.."

"After what?" Sully frantically interrupted. Michaela glanced at Sully, clearly embarrassed now. "After being..., well I couldn't keep..., after being sick all day," she finally blurted out.

"Oh," was Sully's response as he walked over to the bed to help her with the dirty bed linens. As Michaela removed the last sheet from the bed, Sully noticed the blood. He glanced up at Michaela, but she quickly averted his eyes. Sully noticed that her eyes were moist with unshed tears. Before he had a chance to speak, Michaela quickly gathered the soiled sheets into her arms and mumbled, "I have to do the laundry", and then picking up her nightgown off of the floor, she hurriedly walked out of the room.

Sully stood there momentarily as he watched Michaela exit their bedroom. He glanced again towards their bed where the once bloodied sheets were and then it hit him. He now understood Michaela's disposition. They had been trying for another child, and obviously it hadn't happened. He knew with each passing month she became more and more discouraged. Taking a deep breath, he walked down the stairs and out through the back door, where Michaela was doing the laundry.

He walked over to the laundry tub and stood facing Michaela. He hesitated before reaching for her hand and softly he asked, "Your monthly?" She didn't look up at him, she only nodded her head. "I'm sorry," Sully whispered. He then took his other hand and reached up to cup her chin, turning her head upwards to look into his eyes. He saw the tears now flowing freely down her cheeks.

Michaela quickly swiped at the tears and pulled her hand from Sully's grasp. She turned to hang up a sheet on the clothes line when Sully's firm grasp on her shoulder stopped her. He gently turned her back towards him and she suddenly became very still. "Michaela, please, look at me," Sully pleaded. She slowly tilted her head upwards to look into Sully's eyes. "I know you're disappointed, but these things take time. We'll have another baby. Remember what Cloud Dancing said?" Sully said encouragingly. "We just have to be patient."

Michaela attempted a weak smile, but it didn't fool Sully. "It's just that I was late, and I was hoping, well I was beginning to think that... " Michaela rambled on, her voice beginning to crack.

"I know, I know," Sully replied soothingly before wrapping his arms around her, "but it's not the end of the world. The Spirits know when the time is right, we just gotta wait."

Michaela knew that Sully was just trying to make her feel better, but she didn't want to feel better. She wanted to feel pregnant. She slowly pulled back from Sully and looked into his eyes. "You don't even seem disappointed," Michaela said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Sully noticed this immediately and replied, "Michaela, that's not true, I am disappointed. Why would you even say something like that?"

Michaela immediately felt guilty for having said that to Sully but she secretly wondered if Sully really wasn't disappointed now that he had his own son. "Well, now that you have, oh, never mind, it doesn't matter anyway," she said defeatedly.

"Michaela, it does matter, what you think and feel does matter to me. You know that," Sully stated emphatically.

Michaela took a small step back and looked up at Sully. "No, Sully, my feelings don't matter right now," she said dejectedly. "What's important right now is your son." She paused an instant to gauge Sully's reaction. "We have to think of Josh and do what's best for him."

Sully was still a moment before looking up at Michaela. He tried to read the emotions that crossed her face, but what he saw alarmed him. Her eyes were blank and her face was expressionless. He realized that yesterday's events and now this had taken its toll on her and she now seemed resigned.

Sully lightly cleared his throat and taking her hand into his he gently asked, "Are you ready to talk now?" She quickly glanced up at him and nodded her head.

"Why don't we go inside and sit. I'll make you some willow bark tea for your stomach," replied Sully.

Michaela felt completely drained as Sully led her into the living room to one of the wingback chairs. Her head was now throbbing and she was feeling nauseous again. She was relieved to have a few minutes alone as Sully went into the kitchen to make some tea. She took these few moments to compose herself. She needed to gather her thoughts and clear her head.

Michaela remembered how understanding Sully had been when her past had caught up with her, when David suddenly returned from the dead. Now she needed to be just as understanding and supportive for Sully. She knew this was just as hard for him. To find out you have a son you never knew you had, and then to find out that that child is very ill and dying. She knew his heart was in a turmoil also. She needed to be there for him.

Sully came back into the living room carrying two cups of steaming hot liquid. He handed a cup of willow bark tea to Michaela and then slowly sat down in the other chair with a cup of coffee for himself. They both stared into the fire for a long time, each lost in their own thoughts, neither of them knowing what to say. Sully decided to break the silence. The moment of truth had come. He turned towards Michaela and spoke softly. "Michaela, I'm so sorry, I don't even know where to begin."

Michaela slowly turned to face Sully. She looked into his eyes and then spoke softly. "Then don't."

"What do you mean?" Sully interrupted.

"Sully, let's not talk about the past. I had a lot of time to think yesterday, and what's important now is that we do what's best for Josh. Right now Josh needs a father, he needs you. You're a wonderful father, Sully, and I know you'll be a wonderful father to Josh." She spoke in a monotonous tone, occasionally reaching up to rub her temples with her fingers. "He needs a mother and a father, and now he has both."

Sully slowly stood up and walked over to where Michaela was sitting. He knelt down beside her and taking her hands into his, he spoke softly. "Michaela, I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that..."

Michaela lifted her hand to Sully's lips to stop him. "Please, Sully, let's not talk about that now. Let's just talk about where we go from here. I remember when my nephew was so sick, and his father was never there for him. I don't want that to happen to Josh," Michaela's voice trailed off to a whisper, her voice cracking lightly.

Sully lifted Michaela's hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "All right," he answered in a low voice. "You're right. We need to think about what's best for Josh. I want to be a part of Josh's life now, but I also want Josh to be a part of our family, yours and mine."

Michaela looked at Sully and attempted a weak smile. "Of course he'll be a part of our family. I could never turn my back on him, especially now."

"I know that," Sully replied softly. "That's one of the reasons I love you so much." And then hesitating a moment he asked, "So what do we do now?"

Michaela paused a moment to choose her words carefully. "Well, I think you need to spend as much time with Josh as possible. You both have a lot to learn about each other. But I don't want Brian to feel left out, either. I want him to think of Josh as his brother, not someone to compete with for your love."

"I understand that, and I've already talked to Brian a little about that. I made him promise that if he ever feels left out, he'll tell me," responded Sully. "I want Josh to spend time with all of our family, so he'll feel welcome and become a part of it."

Michaela gently squeezed Sully's hand. "We'll do everything we can to make Josh happy right now. His happiness is all that matters," Michaela uttered.

Sully looked deeply into Michaela eye's and leaning over to kiss her mouth, he whispered, "I love you."

He started to open his mouth to speak again, but then stopped. Michaela noticed his hesitation and asked, "What?"

"Well," Sully spoke slowly, looking directly at Michael, "what about Sheryl. She still wants to be your friend."

Michaela's brow creased for just an instant at the mention of Sheryl, but she quickly composed herself. But Sully noticed the change in her expression and quickly replied, "I'm sorry, Michaela. I know that might be asking for too much right now."

But Michaela quickly stopped him. "No, Sully, you're right. Sheryl needs our friendship right now. I can't even imagine what it would be like if Brian or Katie were sick," Michaela interrupted, her eyes becoming moist.

"I'm glad you still feel that way," Sully stated apprehensively. "I've invited them here for supper tonight. I thought maybe we could all sit down and talk. Matthew is bringing them home after church. They'll be here in a few hours."

Michaela continued to rub her temples with her fingers, trying to ease the pounding in her head. "That's fine, Sully. I'll start supper now," Michaela answered as she started to stand up.

Sully placed his hand gently on her shoulder and said, "I'll start supper. Why don't you go upstairs and lay down for a while." And then he looked at her and asked, "Your head still hurtin'?"

"A little," she lied. Actually her head was pounding and she thought she was going to be sick, but she didn't want Sully to know. "He has enough to think about without worrying needlessly over me," she thought. But a warm bed did indeed sound inviting so she reached her hand out to Sully while he helped her stand up. As she stood up she winced slightly and grabbed her stomach. "I think I will go lay down for just a little while. I'm sure I'll feel better then," Michaela told him. "Will you wake me before they get here?" Michaela asked.

"Sure," replied Sully, a worried look on his face. He once again leaned over and kissed Michaela's forehead, and he thought she still felt rather warm. Then he met Michaela's eyes and softly spoke. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked.

"For being so understanding, and for lovin' me," Sully replied as he wrapped his arms around her. "Now why don't you go on up to bed and I'll wake you in about an hour." Nodding her head, Michaela walked up the stairs to their bedroom.

Sully stood there a moment watching his wife retreat upstairs. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He had been so worried, so afraid of how Michaela would react to him. He should have listened to Matthew. He should have known that Michaela wouldn't turn her back on Josh or him for that matter. He smiled as he watched her disappear from sight. Oh, God, how he loved her.

And then he thought of how exhausted and pale she still looked. He knew how disappointed she was that her monthly had arrived. And he knew how much she wanted another baby. "But the Spirits know what they're doing," Sully thought to himself. Maybe a baby isn't such a good idea right now." But he would talk to Michaela about that at another time.

Sully had started supper and then had gone into the barn to do some chores. He had decided to let Michaela sleep a little longer, but he knew they would be arriving very shortly. He finished raking out the last stall and then closing the barn door behind him, he headed for the house and up the steps to their bedroom.

When he opened the bedroom door he saw that Michaela was still sleeping. He walked over to her side of the bed and softly sat down next to her. He brushed his hand over her forehead and found it warm and damp with perspiration. He noticed that she was still clutching her stomach even as she slept. He bent down and kissed her cheek to wake her. "Michaela," Sully spoke softly. "Michaela, it's time to get up. They'll be here soon."

Michaela stirred slightly and slowly opened her eyes. Her mind was still groggy with sleep as she turned over on her back. She saw Sully sitting next to her and reached up to touch his face. "What time is it, Sully?" Michaela whispered hoarsely, still trying to wake from the fog she was in.

"It's almost three o'clock. Everyone will be here soon," Sully replied. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, I think so," Michaela replied as she tried to sit up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. But as she sat up she felt a sharp pain and grabbed her stomach.

Sully noticed immediately and laying his hand on top of hers, he quickly asked, "What is it, Michaela. What's wrong?"

Michaela saw the worried look on Sully's face and tried to reassure him. "It's nothing Sully. Only cramps. I've had them before."

Sully wasn't quite convinced though. "Michaela, why don't you just stay in bed. I'll tell everyone that you're not feeling well. They'll understand."

"No, Sully. I said I'm fine," chided Michaela as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. "I'll just splash some water on my face and then I'll be down in few minutes." She looked up at Sully and gave him a slight smile. Just then they heard a wagon pull up and the sound of voices outside. "Go on," Michaela told Sully gently. "I'll be right down."

He knew better than to argue with her right now. He kissed Michaela lightly on the lips and turned to go greet their guests. Michaela stood still a few moments longer, steadying herself. She walked over to the wash basin and splashed some cold water on her face. It felt good to have the cool water run down her flushed cheeks. She patted her face dry with a towel and then sat down at the vanity to brush her hair. She still felt nauseous and her head hurt slightly, but she knew that was from lack of food. She hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. Pinning the last strands of hair into place, she stood up and walked out of the bedroom.

At the top of the stairs she could hear the familiar voices of her children chatting aimlessly. She heard a male voice speak and realized that it was Andrew. "Colleen must have invited him for dinner," she thought to herself as a small smiled turned the corner of her lips. And then she heard Sully talking, and the voice of a woman speak in return, and she knew that it must be Sheryl. Taking a deep breath, she straightened her shoulders, and pasting a smile on her face, she slowly walked down the stairs.

The evening went by quickly. It was evident to all that Josh was thrilled to have Sully as his pa. He stayed closed by his side most of the time, only leaving when Brian pulled him away to show him something. Brian seemed just as happy to have Josh as his new brother. Michaela smiled as she looked across the room at Sully and saw the smile on his face as he showed Josh his knife and tomahawk. She noticed Sheryl watching them as well.

During supper Sheryl sat next to Michaela and their conversation remained light. They both could feel a slight tension between them; neither were as relaxed with each other as they had been that first night. They talked about Michaela's desire to become a doctor and about her medical practice. Sheryl talked about her life in Illinois, and how she had worked occasionally as a waitress at a small restaurant in town. They talked about Josh and his illness, about Brian and Katie, and about Sully being his pa. But when Sheryl tried to mentioned that night in the cabin, their conversation became strained and Michaela quickly changed the subject.

Throughout dinner Michaela felt Sully's eyes on her. She would occasionally look up to see Sully watching them, and she would in return cast him a smile. She attempted to eat her dinner, but she didn't have much of an appetite. Sully noticed this and cast a worried look in her direction, to which she attempted a smile. Sheryl noticed the looks between the two of them and realized just how much Sully loved and cared for his wife.

After dinner was over and the dishes cleared, Sully got out the chess game and Brian got out the checkers. Brian challenged Josh to a game of checkers and Sully asked Michaela if she wanted to play him a game of chess. She didn't feel like concentrating on a game right now so she politely declined. Sheryl said she knew how to play and asked Sully if he would like to play her. So the four of them sat around the fire in the living room and played their board games. Matthew and Andrew sat at the kitchen table with Colleen as she told them all about the past few months at college. Katie sat quietly on Colleen's lap, rubbing her eyes and playing with a small wooden dog that Sully had carved for her.

Michaela had excused herself to wash the dishes. She had declined Colleen's help and had told her to stay with Andrew. Her headache had returned and her cramps had worsened, but she tried to maintain a smile on her face. As she stood drying a cup she suddenly felt light headed and began to sway. She even thought she was going to be sick. She needed some fresh air so she quietly slipped out the back door unnoticed.

Andrew had been watching Michaela throughout the evening. When she had first come down the steps he had noticed how pale she looked and how flushed her cheeks were. Out of the corner of his eye he had seen Michaela sway and grab onto the counter. And he had watched as she had quietly slipped out the back door. Excusing himself for a moment, he quietly followed Michaela out the door.

When Andrew found Michaela she was on her knees, bending over and vomiting. He quietly stood behind her until she was finished and then handed her his handkerchief. "Are you all right?" he finally asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," she answered without looking up.

He knelt down beside her and placed his hand on her forehead. "You feel awfully warm," he said gently.

Michaela quickly stood up, wiping her mouth with the handkerchief. "I'm fine, Andrew, really," Michaela answered embarrassed.

"You don't look fine, Michaela," Andrew spoke softly as he too stood up. "Why don't we go inside and let me examine you," Andrew remarked in his doctor's voice.

"I said I'm fine, Andrew," Michaela answered curtly. Andrew looked intensely at Michaela for a moment and then he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Michaela, we're both doctors and we both know you're not fine. At least let me go and get Sully," he pleaded.

"No!" Michaela burst out and then her voice became softer. "No, Andrew, please," Michaela begged. Andrew remained silent and waited for Michaela to continue. "It's just, well I got, my monthly came today, that's all it is," Michaela tried to explain, feeling very embarrassed at discussing this subject.

"Michaela," Andrew admonished gently, "women don't have fevers and vomiting just because they get their monthly."

Michaela wrung her hands a moment and then taking on her doctor's role, she replied, "The bleeding has been rather heavy and I've been experiencing much stronger cramps than usual. But as you know Andrew, as a women gets older and, well, closer to the change, these symptoms are not all that unusual."

"True, Michaela," Andrew answered slowly, "but that still doesn't account for the fever." Andrew looked at Michaela and waited for her to answer.

Sighing heavily, Michaela turned slowly towards Andrew. "I'm all right, Andrew, really," Michaela replied unconvincingly. "I thank you for your concern, but I'll be all right."

Andrew looked at Michaela and as much as he felt there was more to all of this, he knew that he couldn't push her. "All right, Michaela, we'll have it your way, for now," he said. "But right now I think that Katie's getting tired and this would be a good time for you to put Katie, and yourself, to bed. Doctor's orders," he added sternly.

Michaela smiled weakly at Andrew. "Actually, that's sounds very appealing right now. I think I will go and put Katie to bed."

"Don't worry," Andrew told her, "I'll explain to the rest of them when you don't return."

"Thank you, Andrew," Michaela answered as she turned to walk inside. Andrew placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and said, "Michaela, I don't mean to overstep my boundaries, but if the willow bark tea isn't helping, maybe you should try something stronger, maybe laudanum."

"You're not overstepping any boundaries, Andrew," Michaela replied, genuinely moved by Andrew's concern for her. "I appreciate your concern for me. And I think I will try the laudanum tonight."

Andrew paused briefly and then spoke with some hesitancy. "And, if you're not feeling better by tomorrow, you'll come and see me at the hotel?" Andrew queried.

Turning to Andrew with a slight smile, Michaela replied, "If I'm not feeling better in a few days, I'll come and see you, I promise." Andrew knew that this was the best he was going to get from Michaela tonight, so taking her arm, he led her back inside.

When they entered the homestead, Sully came over to them and asked, "Is everything all right?" It was Andrew who answered. "Of course, Sully. We were just discussing a patient of mine and I wanted to get Michaela's opinion." It was only a partial lie, he thought to himself.

***********************
Sully had risen early that morning to do his chores, while everyone was still in bed. It had been like this the past few days. He wanted to spend as much time with Josh as he could, while he could, he thought to himself. Michaela had been so understanding, even encouraging him. He hadn't spent much time with Michaela, though, and he thought maybe they could have lunch together today. He still wanted to talk to her about something, but he needed to find the right way to tell her. He would go into town early today to see Josh before school, and then he and Brian would take Josh fishing after school, just like he had promised.

He pulled the wagon up in front of the clinic, and jumping down, walked over to the other side to help Michaela down. As he lifted Michaela out of the wagon and set her down, he looked at her and asked, "Do you think maybe we could have lunch together today?"

Michaela smiled at Sully and said, "I'd love that. We haven't had a chance to be together the last few days. I miss you."

Sully smiled back at Michaela and whispered in her ear. "I miss you, too." And then pulling back slightly, he said, "how 'bout I come by around noon, is that okay with you."

She looked up into his eyes and replied, "I'll be waiting." Then she walked around to the back of the wagon and lifted Katie out. "See ya later," Sully called as he jumped back into the wagon and started off towards the boarding house.

"Bye ma," yelled Brian. Michaela and Katie stood on the clinic porch and waved good-bye.

When Sully and Brian arrived at the boarding house to pick up Josh for school, Sheryl met them at the front door. "Josh isn't feeling well this morning," Sheryl told them.

Sully suddenly became very worried and frantically asked, "Is he all right. Do you want me to get Michaela?"

"No, that's all right Sully. He's just a little tired, that's all. He wanted to rest up today so he could go fishing with you later on, after school," Sheryl replied, and then she looked apprehensively at both Brian and Sully. "Under normal circumstances I would make him go to school and rest later, but considering, I don't think it will matter if he misses school and goes fishin' later, do you?" she quietly asked.

Brian nodded his head and Sully replied, "Nah, I think that will be all right. I'll take Brian to school and tell Miss Teresa that Josh won't be there today. And then I'll come back and spend some time with Josh, if that's all right with you."

"I think Josh would like that very much," Sheryl answered.

After Sully dropped Brian off at school he returned to the boarding house to find Josh sitting up in bed. Sully walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. "How ya feeling, Josh?" Sully asked.

"I'm just a little tired, Sully. But I still want to go fishing today. Will you still take me, even if I did miss school?" Josh asked anxiously.

"Sure, we'll still go fishin. But how about you getting some rest so you won't be too tired to reel in those big fish?" Sully joked.

"All right," Josh answered while trying to stifle a yawn. "I guess I am still tired." As Sully turned to walk away, Josh grabbed Sully's hand and said, "Sully, I'm glad you're my pa."

"Me too," Sully said smiling, as he squeezed Josh's shoulder.

"Sully," Sheryl asked softly, "would you like to come back and have lunch with us. I know Josh would love it?"

Sully turned to face Sheryl and replied apologetically, "Uh, I promised Michaela that I would have lunch with her today. We haven't seen much of each other the last few days. But maybe I could talk Michaela and Katie into coming fishin' with us this afternoon and we could all go on a picnic together for dinner."

"That sounds lovely," Sheryl answered. And then she leaned towards Sully and whispered, "But I don't think Michaela feels comfortable around me anymore. And I guess I can't really blame her."

"No, that's not true, Sheryl," Sully remarked. "She even told me she still wants to be your friend."

"Well, if you think it will be okay, then yes, please ask her. We'd love to go on a picnic," responded Sheryl.

"All right then, it's settled. We'll pick you up after school. See you then. Bye Josh." Sully yelled as he walked out the door of their room.

*********************
It was almost lunch time when Dorothy knocked on the clinic door. Michaela was sitting at her desk, the newest medical journal opened, but she wasn't really reading. She was staring into space, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few days. "Good morning, Michaela," Dorothy greeted as she walked into the clinic.

"Hello, Dorothy," replied Michaela. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm doing just fine, Michaela," Dorothy answered. But as she took a closer look at her friend she noticed how pale Michaela looked. "But the question is how are you doing? You don't look yourself this morning. I mean you look a little peaked. Is everything all right?" Dorothy queried.

"Yes, everything's fine," Michaela answered, avoiding Dorothy's eyes. When Dorothy gave her a skeptical look she added, "Well, maybe I have been a little tired lately." Sensing that there was something more than just being tired, Dorothy continued to press Michaela.

"Michaela," Dorothy asked gently, "what is it, what's wrong?"

Michaela looked up at Dorothy and started to tell her that everything was all right, but when she saw the genuine concern in Dorothy's eyes, she knew her best friend would settle for nothing less than the truth. "Dorothy," Michaela asked hesitantly, "do you remember when you were going through the change of life?"

"Of course I remember. You saved my life," Dorothy answered.

"Well, I believe that I'm going through much of the same thing right now. I've been experiencing some heavy bleeding on and off and my cramps have been much more severe this time," Michaela responded.

"Have you been to see Andrew?" Dorothy asked with concern.

"No," Michaela replied slowly. "I have spoken to him and he wanted me to come to the Hotel for an examination, but.."

"But what, Michaela. He's a doctor, and he's examined you before," Dorothy chided.

"Yes, I know," Michaela spoke softly. "It's just, well, Sully and I want another baby so badly, and, well the bleeding has stopped on its own and maybe it isn't the change and..."

"Michaela," Dorothy interrupted. "Listen to yourself. If I was the patient and I came to you with these symptoms, what would you tell me?"

Michaela looked away sheepishly. She knew Dorothy was right, and as much as she hated to admit it, she knew she needed to see a doctor. Dorothy slowly approached Michaela and placing a hand on her shoulder, she gently asked, "What does Sully say?"

Michaela suddenly turned her back to Dorothy and whispered, "I haven't told him." -

Astonished by Michaela's words, Dorothy exclaimed, "You haven't told him? Michaela, you know Sully would want to know if something's wrong with you. Why haven't you told him?"

Michaela still did not turn around. She was trying hard to fight the tears now. "I told him I got my monthly of course, I just didn't tell him anything else. He has enough on his mind right now," Michaela replied softly.

"Michaela," Dorothy spoke sternly, "that's ridiculous. You know there is nothing more important to Sully than you and the children."

Michaela slowly turned around, her eyes now noticeably moist. "Right now Josh is more important," Michaela stated plainly.

Dorothy carefully eyed her best friend a moment and then gently said, "Michaela, is that what's bothering you. Are you bothered by the fact that Josh is Sully's son?"

Michaela paused a few moments and then choosing her words carefully she replied, "No, that's not it. I'm glad that Josh found his pa, and I'm glad for Sully also. He's a wonderful father and Josh couldn't have found a better pa than Sully. It's just that whenever I think of Sully and Sheryl in that cabin....", her voice trailing off. Taking a deep breath she continued, "Whenever I think of the two of them together that night I feel nauseous. I can't keep anything down but I can't stop thinking about it either." Michaela looked up at Dorothy and tears were streaming down her face now. "Dorothy, why didn't he ever tell me?" Michaela choked.

Dorothy walked over to Michaela and putting her arms around her, she patted her soothingly on the back. Dorothy held Michaela a few moments and let her cry. Then pulling slightly back she asked, "Have you talked to Sully about this? Did you tell him how you feel?"

Michaela straightened her shoulders and took a step back. Wiping the tears from her eyes, and between sniffles, she said, "No. The only thing that's important right now is Josh. We have to do what's best for Josh. Sully doesn't need anything else to worry about."

"Michaela, you're not being rational. Sully's gonna know something is wrong. Just look at you, how pale you are," Dorothy tried to reason. "You're only going to make it worse by not telling him."

"Sully and I haven't even seen each other in three days. He's too busy to notice. He spends all of his time with Josh. He doesn't come home until very late, after everyone is already in bed, and then he gets up real early to do the chores and goes into town to spend time with him before he goes to school. He's even been taking Brian with him," Michaela uttered.

"Michaela, look at me." Dorothy scolded, "You have to talk to Sully about this. You have to tell him how you feel. You've always been able to talk to Sully about anything. Why can't you talk to him about this?"

"Because I shouldn't feel this way. That was in Sully's past, before he ever knew me, so why should it matter who he was with such a long time ago? No, this is my problem and I'll just have to deal with it," Michaela stated matter-of-factly.

"Michaela, what's really bothering you?" Dorothy queried. "Is it that Sully is spending so much time with Josh, and not your own family?"

Michaela looked squarely at Dorothy and said, "I'm the one who told Sully to spend as much time with Josh as possible. His time here is so short and I want Sully to get to know him as much as possible. After all, Josh is his son. And he does take Brian and even Katie with him sometimes. It's just... " Michaela paused hesitantly, "well.., its just that now I wonder if Sully even wants another child now that he has his own son."

"Did he tell you that?" Dorothy questioned.

"Well, no," Michaela whispered in return.

Dorothy eyed Michaela carefully. She knew Michaela wasn't making any sense right now but she also knew how stubborn she was. But deciding to take her chances, she pushed a little farther. "Michaela," Dorothy spoke gently, "did you and Sully talk about this at all, I mean did he ever tell you what happened that night or why he's never told you about it.?"

"No." Michaela spoke slowly, "He wanted to talk about it that night I returned late, but I had already decided that the best thing for all of us was to forget about the past and concentrate on the present, and that meant putting my feelings aside and doing what's best for Josh." Taking a deep breath, Michaela continued. "Dorothy, whenever I look at Josh I think about what if that were one of my children. My heart goes out to him, and my heart breaks for Sheryl. I can't even imagine what I would be going through if I were in her shoes. And then I think of how insignificant my feelings are compared to what the two of them are going through and I feel guilty for even feeling this way."

"Michaela, your feelings aren't insignificant, and you can't help what you feel. But you're not doing yourself or Sully any good by feeling guilty and keeping everything to yourself. You have to talk to him, tell him how you feel," Dorothy stated.

"No." Michaela stated emphatically. "I'll deal with it on my own. Sully's always been there when I needed him, and now I'm going to be there for him." Michaela slowly backed up to her desk and sunk down into the chair, lightly rubbing her stomach. She felt exhausted now and somewhat lightheaded.

Dorothy noticed the drained look on Michaela face and she saw her rubbing her stomach. "All right, Michaela, if that's the way you want to do it. But will you at least go and see Andrew," Dorothy pleaded.

Michaela saw the pleading look in Dorothy eyes and the concern in her voice. "Yes, I'll go and see Andrew, maybe this afternoon."

"Good," Dorothy sighed. "Now, how about some lunch. That's what I came here for actually, to see if you wanted to go to Grace's for lunch."

*******************
Sully lightly knocked on the clinic door and then opened it and walked in. Michaela was sitting at her desk, with Dorothy standing next to her. "Hello, Sully," Dorothy greeted with a smile.

"Hi, Dorothy," Sully replied as he walked over to Michaela and giving her a quick kiss, he asked, "Are you ready for lunch?"

Michaela glanced over at Katie, still asleep in the corner on a small mat. "Katie's still asleep, but why don't you go ahead and wake her up. She's been sleeping long enough," Michaela answered.

Dorothy glanced at Michaela and said, "Well, I'll see you later, Michaela. Maybe we can have lunch tomorrow?"

"Yes, that would be nice, Dorothy, and thank you," Michaela said.

As Sully reached down to pick up his sleeping daughter, he looked over his shoulder and said good-bye to Dorothy as she retreated out the door. Just then Katie began to wake up and Sully kissed her cheek. "Hello, sleepy one. Did you have a good nap?" Sully asked his little girl.

"Pa," Katie exclaimed as she looked up into his face. Sully tweaked her nose and Katie laughed. "How 'bout I take you and your ma to lunch. Would you like that?"

Michaela walked over to where Katie and Sully were standing and leaned over to give Katie a kiss. She reached her arms out for her ma. "No, Katie, how about you let your pa carry you for now. You're getting so big I can hardly carry you anymore." Katie seemed to be content with that for now and stayed in her pa's arms. Sully threw her up into the air slightly and Katie erupted into laughter.

"You ready?" Sully asked.

"Yes," Michaela answered as she opened the door and the three of them walked out of the clinic and over to Grace's Cafe.

Grace had already taken their orders, leaving a few crackers for Katie to nibble on. They chatted aimlessly for several minutes, each catching the other up on the past few day's events. Then Sully told her about this morning, when he went to pick up Josh, and how tired he was.

Sully suddenly became very quiet and somber, and Michaela noticed this. "Sully?" Michaela asked softly, laying her hand over his.

Sully looked up at Michaela and then quickly glancing away, he asked, his voice somewhat shaky, "Michaela, how much time do you think Josh has?"

Gently squeezing his hand, Michaela looked into Sully's eyes. "I don't know, Sully. I wish I could tell you something more, but I honestly have no idea."

Sully remained silent a few moments, regaining his composure. He looked into Michaela eyes and said with hesitancy. "Michaela, there's something I want to talk to you about."

"Yes," Michaela answered, waiting for Sully to continue. Sully swallowed hard and taking a deep breath, he continued. "Well, I know how much you want another baby. But I think that maybe, under the circumstances, we should hold off for awhile."

Michaela was stunned by Sully's words. She had been right she thought. Sully didn't want another baby, he already had his son. "I know how much you want a baby", she heard him say. She swallowed hard, blinking back the tears.

She suddenly noticed that Sully was staring at her, waiting for her reply. "If that's what you want, Sully," Michaela uttered quietly, trying desperately to steady her voice.

"Michaela, it's not that I don't want another baby, just not now," Sully said gently,

Michaela looked up at Sully and looking into his eyes, her voice emotionless, she replied, "It's all right, Sully, I understand." Then she withdrew her hand from Sully's and turned her attention to Katie, just as Grace was bringing them their lunch.

Michaela was grateful for the brief interruption. She kept her eyes averted from Sully and drew in a deep breath. She would not let Sully see her cry over this. She quickly regained her composure and picked up her fork to eat. But she suddenly had no appetite and her stomach began to feel queasy. She saw Sully glance at her and she forced a slight smile.

"Thank you, Grace," she heard Sully reply. Then Sully turned his attention back to Michaela. "Do you understand?" Sully began when they were interrupted by Dorothy running towards them, yelling "Dr. Mike!"

Out of breath, Dorothy ran up to their table. "Michaela, Sully," Dorothy sputtered, "Sheryl just brought Josh to the clinic." Without another word Sully jumped up, quickly giving Michaela a hand. "I'll watch Katie," Dorothy quickly replied when she saw Michaela glance towards Katie. With just a nod, Michaela and Sully dashed off to the clinic..

Sully threw open the clinic door to see Sheryl standing over Josh, now laying on the examination table. Out of breath, Sully cried, "What's wrong?" Michaela was close behind and went immediately to Josh's side. Grabbing her stethoscope off of the table, she quickly listened to Josh's heart.

"I woke him up to eat lunch, and he just started throwing up. He says he just feels real tired all of the time," Sheryl sobbed. "Please, Dr. Mike, do something for him."

Michaela looked quickly from Sheryl to Sully. She saw the frightened look on both of their faces. "Sully," she said gently, "why don't you take Sheryl upstairs to one of the recovery rooms and stay with her. I'll come and get you after I've had a chance to examine Josh."

Sully silently nodded and then led Sheryl upstairs. Michaela then turned her attention to Josh, who was quietly watching them. "Josh," Michaela asked softly, "how are you feeling? Do you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm just real tired," Josh said in barely a whisper. "My stomach was hurting a little while ago, but since I got sick it doesn't hurt as much."

Michaela continued to take Josh's vital signs and then said, "Well, you don't have a fever, and your heart sounds good, so how about you staying here for the night so I can keep an eye on you and your mother won't worry so much? I'll give you something so your stomach won't hurt any more, okay."

Josh smiled slightly at Michaela and then in a small voice asked, "Can Sully stay with me also?" Michaela swallowed over the small lump in her throat.

"Of course," she replied. "Now you lay still for a few moments while I go upstairs and talk to your mother. Then I'll have Sully bring you upstairs."

"Will you tell Brian I'm sorry that I won't be able to go fishing with him today?" Josh whispered. Michaela turned to Josh and smiling she told him, "You can tell him yourself when he gets out of school. I'll send Sully down in just a minute." And then she turned to walk up the stairs.

When she walked into the room, Sheryl and Sully rushed to her side. "Is he okay?" Sheryl choked.

"He'll be fine," Michaela stated reassuringly. "I gave him something for his stomach and I would like for him to stay here for the night so I can observe him. You may stay with him, if you like."

"Yes, thank you," replied Sheryl, still wringing her hands "He seems to be tired allot more these days."

Michaela looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes. She slowly approached her and taking her hand she said. "Maybe it would be best for Josh if he remained in bed for a few days. He's been very active the past few days and his body isn't used to all of this excitement. After a few days rest I'm sure he'll feel much better."

"Yes, rest is probably what he needs. May I see him now?" Sheryl asked.

"Yes, I told him Sully would carry him upstairs," and then turning to Sully Michaela said, "Josh would like for you to stay here with him tonight. I told him that would be okay."

Sully looked at Michaela and whispered "Thank you." "I'll go and prepare the bed for him," Michaela stated and then turned and walked out of the room as Sully and Sheryl rushed downstairs to Josh.

It was late that evening when Michaela checked on Josh before retiring for the night. Katie was upstairs in her crib, and Brian was in one of the other recovery rooms. Colleen had gone to the homestead with Matthew for the night. Sully had taken a cot into Josh's room for Sheryl, and she had finally fallen asleep, exhausted from today's ordeal. Josh was sleeping soundly from the medication Michaela had given him earlier. Sully was sitting in a chair beside his bed when Michaela came in. "Sully," Michaela whispered, "it's late, why don't you come to bed now."

Sully continued to stroke Josh's hand and without looking up he said, "You go on, I'll be there in a little while." Michaela stood there a moment watching Sully, and then she quietly turned and walked to their room where Katie was soundly sleeping.

Michaela lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. As Michaela thought of Sully in the other room, her mind drifted back to the cafe this afternoon and Sully's words echoed in her mind, "I think we should wait for another baby." Tears welled up in her eyes and flowed freely down her cheeks. Turning onto her side, and hugging Sully's pillow to her chest, she quietly cried herself to sleep.

Michaela awoke with a stabbing pain in her stomach. "Sully," she cried out. She reached over to grab Sully, but all she encountered was an empty bed. She lay on her side, clutching her stomach, waiting for the pain to subside. After several minutes the pain stopped and she slowly rose out of bed. She was groggy and shaky on her feet and she was covered with a layer of perspiration. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand and grabbed on to the bedpost to steady herself. She slowly took a deep breath.

She looked around the room as her mind slowly cleared. And then she remembered why she was here. As she looked at the empty bed she saw the bloodstained sheets. She looked down and noticed the blood on her nightgown. She was bleeding again. She hadn't been able to see Andrew today, and she knew now that something was wrong. "I need to find Sully," she thought to herself. She opened the door and walked out into the darkened hall.

She slowly made her way down to the end of the hall where Josh was sleeping. She quietly opened the door a crack and softly cried, "Sul...", when suddenly she stopped. Bent over Sheryl's cot was Sully, gently tucking the covers around her. Sully sank back down into his chair and lifting Josh's hand he laid it over Sheryl's and then hesitating, he placed his hand over theirs. She watched as the scene played out before her, and suddenly she felt like the outsider. Still unnoticed, she quietly closed the door and walked back down the hall to her room.

Silently Michaela changed into a clean nightgown and put fresh linens on the bed. She climbed into bed, feeling weak and exhausted, but sleep would not come. She lay there for several hours until she saw the morning light peeking through the slit of the curtains. She threw back the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Standing up, she walked over to the wash basin and splashed the cold water on her face. As she was dressing, she realized that the bleeding had stopped, and so had the cramps. "Maybe I don't need to see Andrew after all," she tried to convince herself.

She walked down the hall and opened the door to Josh's room. Sully was gone, but Josh and Sheryl were still asleep. She quietly walked over to Josh's bed and quickly examined him. His breathing and pulse were normal, and his forehead felt cool. Those were all good signs, she thought. And then glancing briefly at Sheryl, she quickly turned and walked downstairs.

When she entered the main room of the clinic, she found Sully standing by the window, staring blankly outside. "Sully," Michaela whispered softly as she quietly walked up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

Startled, Sully jumped lightly. "Oh, Michaela, it's you," Sully stammered, "You're up early."

"I couldn't sleep," Michaela answered softly, and then added, "You never came to bed."

"Oh, well, yeah, I guess I fell asleep in the chair," Sully uttered guiltily, before adding, "Sorry."

"That's all right," Michaela replied softly, and then an uncomfortable silence fell over them. "I'm going to go to Grace's and get breakfast," Michaela said abruptly, breaking the silence.

"Michaela," Sully replied gently, "Grace's isn't even open yet. The sun's not even all the way up." Michaela glanced out the window and then realized just how early it still was.

She shot Sully a slight smile and then said, "I guess I didn't realize just how early it was." Sully looked closely at Michaela and noticed how tired she looked. Reaching up to place his hands on her shoulders, he gently brushed back a stray hair and then asked, "Michaela, are you feeling all right? You look kinda pale."

Michaela glanced away from Sully's gaze and quickly answered, "I'm fine, Sully. Just a little tired is all."

Sully pulled Michaela closer to him, tightening his grip around her waist. She gladly laid her head on his shoulder, relishing in his gentle touch. "It's been awhile since we've been alone together," Sully spoke softly.

"Yes, it has," whispered Michaela. And then looking up at Sully, she said eagerly, "It's still early."

"Uh, well, Michaela, I don't know, everyone's here," Sully muttered.

Michaela's heart sunk as she realized that 'everyone' meant Josh, and Sheryl. Michaela quickly pulled away from Sully's hold. "Maybe you should make an appointment," Michaela said sarcastically. Sully's voice softened and he pulled her close to him once more.

"Maybe that's not such a bad idea," Sully whispered into her ear. "How about 9:00 tonight, our bedroom?"

Michaela looked up into Sully's eyes and her heart melted once more. "9:00 sharp, and don't be late," she whispered provocatively.

Sully looked longingly into Michaela eyes and whispered, "Only if you'll be waiting for me in that special gown I love so much." He leaned over and seized her soft lips, kissing her deeply, before they were abruptly interrupted by Katie's cries. Pulling themselves apart, Sully said, "I'll go get her."

Michaela busied herself around the clinic, gathering supplies to take with her for the day. She was going to see Mrs. Woodruff today, and then she would check on some of the other families in that area. Sully came back downstairs carrying Katie in his arms. When he saw Michaela packing, he pointed to the supplies and asked, "What's all of this for?"

Michaela leaned over and kissed Katie, who was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Mrs. Woodruff's cast needs to come off today," Michaela replied, "so I thought Katie and I would ride out there this morning. She enjoys playing with Mrs. Woodruff's two children."

"All right, but do you need me to come along," Sully asked.

"No, we'll be fine, Sully. You stay here with Josh," Michaela explained. "When we're through we'll visit a few of the other families and then we'll go home. We'll meet you and Brian there."

"That sounds good to me," Sully remarked. "Michaela, do you think it's all right to take Josh home today," Sully asked, his voice etched with worry.

"Yes, I think he'll be fine at home," Michaela assured him. "But make sure he rests and doesn't overdue it. I'll leave some medication with you in case he starts to feel sick again."

Sully sat Katie down in Michaela's chair and gave her a pencil and a piece of paper to scribble on. He walked over to Michaela and was about to give her a kiss when they both heard her stomach rumble. Sully looked up at her and laughed. "I guess I should go over to Grace's now and get that breakfast before you wake everyone up," he snickered.

"Very funny," Michaela remarked as she tried in vain to stifle her laugh.

"I love you," Sully whispered as he brushed past her to open the door.

Blowing him a kiss, she said, "I love you too."

************************
Mrs. Woodruff was relieved to finally have her cast off. Now she could almost catch her two young children. Michaela accepted her invitation for lunch and the two of them sat outside watching their children play. After lunch Michaela told Mrs. Woodruff how much she enjoyed the day, but told her that she must be going. After packing the wagon and tearing Katie away from her friends, Michaela went on her way. She stopped briefly at two of the neighboring homes and then headed for the homestead. Katie fell asleep on the way home, her bunny tucked snugly under her arm.

To Michaela's surprise, Brian and Matthew came out of the barn when she rode up. Matthew explained that he had brought Brian home so the two of them could catch up on some of the missed chores. He gladly accepted Michaela's invitation to stay for supper, but told her he had to return to town before dark. "Dr. Mike," Matthew said, "Colleen wanted me to tell you that she was having dinner with Andrew tonight."

"Thank you, Matthew," Michaela replied as she turned to walk into the house. Michaela was a little disappointed that she hadn't been able to spend much time with Colleen. But she knew Colleen and Andrew were in love and they wanted to spend as much time together before she had to return for college. And she also knew spending time with Andrew at his clinic was a good experience for her.

Michaela took Katie inside and put her in her crib and then she started to prepare for dinner. She was going to make Sully's favorite dish tonight. She smiled slightly as she thought about their 9:00 appointment. While supper was on cooking, Michaela went outside to some laundry.

About an hour later Michaela walked out to the barn to tell the boys that dinner was ready and to come inside and wash up. It was almost 6:00 and Sully still hadn't come home. Katie had woken up earlier and was not going to wait for dinner any longer. Though a little disappointed that Sully wasn't there yet, she decided to serve dinner now, and she would keep something warm for Sully.

After supper Matthew and Brian took Katie into the living room to keep her occupied while Michaela cleared the table and washed the dishes. Afterwards she joined the boys in front of the fire and challenged Matthew to a game of chess. Brian sat with Katie on his lap, reading her favorite book to her. "When's Sully coming home?" Matthew asked her. Michaela glanced up at the clock on the mantel and then back at Matthew.

"He didn't say, but he promised me he'd be home before 9:00," Michaela answered anxiously.

"Why 9:00?" Matthew asked innocently.

Michaela could feel her face redden as she replied, "Well, because he has an appointment at 9:00," she answered, clearly embarrassed. Matthew looked at Michaela, not quite understanding, and then it suddenly hit him.

"Oh," Matthew snickered as he broke into a smile. "Well, then I'm sure he'll be home soon." Michaela looked up and saw Matthew laugh, and her blush deepened even more.

When the clock chimed 8:00, Matthew stood up to leave. "Thanks ma, dinner was great. But I gotta get up early tomorrow so I better be getting home now."

"Thank you for coming out and doing some of the chores. Sully and I really appreciate it," Michaela replied. As Matthew said his good-byes and walked out the door, Michaela picked Katie up to put her to bed. "I think I'll go up now and put Katie to bed," she said to Brian.

"Goodnight ma," Brian said. "I think I'll go up to my room and finish my homework and then I'm going to bed also."

After putting Katie to bed, Michaela went into their bedroom to get ready for the night. It was now 8:30 and she knew Sully would be home soon. After closing the door behind her she went to her closet and pulled out Sully's favorite nightgown, the one her mother had given to her as a wedding present. Then she washed up, slipped on her nightgown and then splashed some of her special perfume on. Then she climbed into bed, and picking up a medical journal to read, she waited anxiously for Sully.

It was soon after that Michaela heard the front door open. She smiled to herself as she waited for their bedroom door to open. But when she heard the footsteps on the stairs, she knew that Colleen had returned home, not Sully. She heard a knock on their bedroom door. "Come in," Michaela quietly spoke.

"Hi, ma," Colleen replied as she walked over to the bed. "I just wanted to say goodnight to you and see how you were feeling?"

"How I'm feeling?" questioned Michaela.

"Well, Sully mentioned that you were feeling tired allot," Colleen replied.

"I'm fine Colleen, but thank you anyways," Michaela remarked. "I'm sorry we haven't had much time together since you've been home," Michaela apologized.

"That's all right, ma," Colleen said reassuringly. "I know you and Sully have allot on your minds right now. I understand." And then noticing what her ma was wearing, Colleen added, "by the way, where is Sully?"

"I'm not sure," Michaela spoke softly, "probably with Josh. He was supposed to be home by now."

Colleen could detect the disappointment in Michaela's voice. "I'm sure he'll be home soon, ma. He probably just lost track of time," Colleen said encouragingly. And then looking at her ma, she asked seriously, "Ma, how are you doing with all of this, really?"

Michaela looked down at her lap, the book still open, and replied, "Everything's fine, Colleen. Sully's always been there for me, and now I want to do all I can to be there for him, and for Josh." And then quickly changing the subject, she asked, "How was your dinner with Andrew?"

Colleen looked closely at her mother and sensing that Michaela didn't want to talk about this subject anymore, she said, "We had a lovely time, Ma. I love Andrew so much and I really miss him when I'm at school."

"I know you do, Colleen. And we miss you, too. But school will be over before you know it and then you'll be back home for the summer."

"Yes, I suppose that's true. Well, goodnight ma. See you in the morning," Colleen said as she bent over to kiss her ma on the cheek.

**********************
Sully sat on the edge of the bed playing a game of checkers with Josh. Sheryl had already brought them dinner and the three of them had eaten at the small table next to Josh's bed. Sully was going to make sure that Josh didn't over-exert himself and so he had stayed by his side most of the day. Sully looked up at the clock and noticed that it was almost 8:00. "Josh, after we finish this game, I'm gonna have to go home," Sully remarked.

"Do you have to go, Sully. Can't you stay here with me tonight?" Josh pleaded.

"Josh, I'd really like to but I have a family at home, and they're probably wondering where I am already," Sully answered.

"But I thought I was your family too. Why can't you stay with me sometimes?" Josh cried.

Sully glanced at Sheryl with a pleading look and then turned to Josh and tried to explain, "That just wouldn't be proper, Josh. Your ma and me ain't married, I can't spend the night here. But maybe when you're feeling better you could come and spend the night with us. How does that sound?"

"But you stayed with me last night and ma was there. Why can't you stay with me here?" Josh pleaded with him again.

"That was different Josh. We were in the clinic and everyone else was there. I know it's hard for you to understand, and I want to stay with you, but I just can't," Sully tried explaining again,.

"Josh," Sheryl jumped in, "we've talked about this before. You know Sully can't stay."

"Well, if you can't stay with me all night, will you at least stay until I fall asleep," Josh begged.

Sully looked at Josh's pleading eyes and his heart melted. "Sure, I'll stay a little while longer, but just until you fall asleep."

Josh's eyes lit up and he sat up and put his arms around Sully. "Thanks, Sully," Josh said. "Will you tell me an Indian story. Brian told me that you know all kinds of Indian stories, and you tell them real good, too."

"Sure," Sully smiled, "I'll tell you the story about the Indian boy who thought he could fly. But you gotta promise me that you won't try it, it's only a story."

"All right, I promise," Josh answered as he laid back down on his bed and turned his head towards Sully, waiting eagerly for Sully to begin.

Sully spent the next few hours telling Josh the many Indian stories he had learned from Cloud Dancing and the Cheyenne tribe. As the clock struck 11:00 Sully looked down at Josh and noticed that he was asleep. "I think he's finally fallen asleep," whispered Sully, and then standing up, he said, "It's awfully late. I'd better be going."

"Josh certainly loved your stories. He was totally mesmerized the whole time," Sheryl remarked as she stood up and stretched her arms. "So was I," she added.

"Brian always loved them when he was younger. He actually jumped from a tree once, thinking he could fly," Sully told her. He glanced at Josh and then said, "Will you tell him I'll see him tomorrow. Maybe if he's feeling stronger I'll take him fishing after Brian gets out of school."

"I know he'd love that. Thank you, Sully, for everything," Sheryl answered as she walked over to the door to open it. "I hope Dr. Mike isn't angry with you for coming home so late."

"No, I'm sure she won't be," Sully stated assuringly. "She's been real understanding ever since she found out that Josh is my son." Sully walked out the door and turning his head he said, "See you tomorrow," before closing the door behind him.

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Michaela lay awake in bed staring at the clock on the mantle. As it chimed its bell for the tenth time, Michaela wondered what was keeping Sully. "Surely he wouldn't have forgotten," she told herself. But as the minutes ticked away, she couldn't help but feel disappointed, and her anger began to boil. "Don't get upset over nothing," she tried to convince herself. "It's only one night, there will be others." She knew Sully had a lot on his mind lately. "Sully needs my support and understanding, he needs me to be there for him," she thought to herself. But as the clock chimed 11:00, she knew he had forgotten, and she couldn't stop the single tear that trickled down her cheek.

It was several minutes later when she heard the front door open, and footsteps on the stairs. She quickly wiped the tear away and took a deep, cleansing breath. When the door of their bedroom opened, she pretended to be asleep. Sully quietly walked into their bedroom and glanced at Michaela. He knew it had been a long day for all of them and that she needed her sleep, but he really wanted to hold her tonight. Slipping out of his clothes, he carefully slid into bed and under the covers. Turning onto his side, and as he did every night, he gently reached for Michaela. But what he encountered surprised him. It was not the usual crisp material of her cotton gown, but the smooth silky material of his special nightgown. "She must have been waiting for me," he said smiling to himself. And then he remembered their appointment, and his heart sunk.

Pulling Michaela gently into his curve, he pressed his body firmly against hers. "Michaela," he whispered into her ear. But he received no response. Trying again he spoke in a mere whisper. "Michaela, you awake?" She stirred slightly, but still did not speak. "I'm sorry Michaela, please, let me make it up to you," Sully pleaded. Michaela swallowed hard, trying to choke back the tears. Sully noticed her body tremble slightly and heard her sniffle. Tightening his grip around her, he pleaded, "Michaela, I know you're awake, please, don't shut me out." He lightly kissed her temple and slowly ran his hand up and down her leg. "Please," he whispered huskily, "please let me make it up to you, let me love you."

Michaela's heart was in a turmoil. She was angry with him, but she felt guilty for refusing him and guilty for being angry with him. "He needs me to be there for him," she tried to tell herself again and again. So once again, she put her feelings aside. Slowly she turned to face Sully and with resolution, she gave herself over to him and let him have his way with her.

Afterwards Michaela lay in the darkness, still wrapped in Sully's arms, listening to his even breathing. Sully had been exhausted and had fallen asleep quickly, but Michaela lay there, sleep eluding her. Their lovemaking had been quick and unsatisfying for Michaela. They had gone through the motions but she had felt distant and even somehow disconnected with Sully. For the first time since their marriage, she felt as if she were only performing her 'wifely duties'. For the first time since their marriage, she had faked it. She wondered if Sully had noticed.

As much as she willed herself to sleep, sleep would not come. She watched as the morning sun peaked over the mountain tops, tears still fresh on her cheeks. She thought of that special night Sully and her had spent together only a few weeks ago. She wondered what had gone so terribly wrong.

At breakfast that morning, Michaela was unusually quiet. Her stomach was beginning to hurt once more, and Michaela silently wondered if their lovemaking had been such a good idea. Michaela avoided Sully's eyes the entire morning, concentrating on Katie and her breakfast, but Sully noticed her picking at her food.

While Michaela was clearing the breakfast dishes, Brian went to hitch up the wagon and Colleen took Katie outside to play. Sully walked up behind Michaela and placed his arms around her waist. "Michaela, are you okay. You hardly touched your breakfast," he asked with concern.

"Yes, I'm fine," she answered without turning around. "I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm just tired, that's all."

Sully leaned forward and placed a kiss on the back of her head. Leaning over her shoulder, he snickered, "I guess that's partly my fault." And then becoming serious he began to apologize. "I'm sorry about last night, Michaela. I just forgot. Josh wanted me to stay with him, and I started telling him Indian stories, and I just forgot. Do you forgive me?" he asked softly.

Michaela turned her head slightly and forcing a smile, she said, "Of course I do, Sully. Don't give it another thought." And then she turned her attention back to washing the dishes.

"I think I'm going to take Josh and Brian fishing after school today, if he's feeling strong enough," Sully said as he continued to stroke Michaela's hair. "Why don't you and Katie come along? I don't think Sheryl's ever been fishing, but I'm sure she'd enjoy it."

The mention of Sheryl once again brought a knot in her stomach and she began to feel queasy. "I've got too much work to do at the clinic this afternoon," Michaela lied. "You go ahead and take the boys and enjoy yourself."

"Come on, Michaela," Sully begged, "the clinic can do without you for one afternoon, please."

Michaela sighed and turning around she looked at Sully and said, "No, Sully, I can't today. But I'm sure Katie would love to go."

Sully studied Michaela's face for a moment and he noticed the dark circles under her eyes. He reached up and touched her forehead and it felt unusually warm to him. When he looked into her eyes, he noticed they had lost their usual sparkle. There was something different about her, but he couldn't place his finger on it. "Michaela, why don't you stay home this morning. I'll take Katie with me. You go on back to bed."

Michaela looked at Sully and started to tell him no, but after a moment's hesitation, she replied, "Well, if you think you'll be all right with her, maybe I will go in a little later. I'll ask Colleen to watch the clinic for me this morning." She thought she would go and see Andrew, and she didn't want to take Katie with her.

"We'll be fine," Sully assured her. "I have to help Robert E this morning, but Sheryl said she would be glad to watch her anytime. If that's all right with you?" Sully questioned.

Looking up at Sully, Michaela answered sincerely, "Yes, that all right with me, Sully."

"You take it easy today, all right?" Sully told her. "And I promise, we'll be home early." Sully leaned down and kissing Michaela's lips, he looked into her eyes and said, "I love you." After pulling away, he walked over to the coat hook by the door, grabbed his fringed belt and putting it on, he walked out the door.

A Dark Secret continued ....