Burden of Guilt - part 4

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Sully had been her strength throughout all of their trials and tribulations. Suddenly she had an overwhelming need to be with Sully, to reconnect with him body and soul. She turned her head to gaze up at him and reaching out, she cautiously laid her hand on his thigh. "Sully," she spoke in a mere whisper, her voice quivering, "make love to me."

Startled by her unexpected request, he turned to look into her eyes. "Michaela?" he questioned softly, unsure of how to respond.

Reaching for his hand, she slowly brought it up to her cheek. "I need to be with you, Sully. Please, make love to me here…, now," her haunted eyes pleaded.

As Sully gazed into her tormented eyes, his heart felt as if would break into a thousand pieces. Reaching up he gently brushed a wisp of hair from her cheek. His eyes locking with hers, he leaned down and kissed each of her eyelids and then the tip of her nose. He then cautiously found her mouth and his lips slowly came down over hers. But to his surprise she suddenly reached up and pulling his head down she hungrily seized his lips, thrusting her tongue deep into his mouth.

In lightning speed their clothes were discarded and Michaela roughly pushed Sully to the ground.

Trailing wet kisses up and down his torso her tongue lightly grazed his hot flesh, causing him to shiver. Raising herself slightly, she again found his mouth for a deep and ardent kiss as she ran her fingers wildly through his hair.

Sully’s blood was racing as he pressed his naked body up closely against hers. He could feel the rapid pounding of her heart against his chest as his hands delighted her most sensitive places. As he began to explore every inch of her warm body with his tongue and as her hands continued to tantalize his senses, his arousal soon became unbearable. In one swift movement he rolled them over so that he was now lying on top of her, his arms supporting his weight. Spreading her legs slightly, Michaela reached down and grabbing his manhood she quickly guided him inside.

This time their lovemaking was not slow and gentle, but wild and untamed. As if a damn had burst all of their unbridled passion was suddenly released and they were like two wild animals trying to satisfy their unquenchable hunger. In this moment in time the world around them ceased to exist, the only thing that mattered was their need to become one.

As their lovemaking came to a feverish pitch, Michaela cried out in pleasure, her quivering body out of control. In a simultaneous burst of ecstasy, their bodies melding together as one, Sully found his release as well.

After several long moments Sully collapsed on top of Michaela, his weight now resting on his elbows. Taking a deep, cleansing breath he leaned his head down and kissed the top of Michaela’s head. "Oh God, Michaela, I love you so much," he whispered into her ear. He suddenly realized that Michaela’s arms were still wrapped tightly around him and she was clinging to him like a small, frightened child. As he looked at her face he noticed that her breathing had remained heavy and rapid and she was having difficulty catching her breath. "Michaela, you okay?" he whispered into her ear as he raised himself slightly and then quickly slid his body off of hers.

Michaela’s heart continued to pound rapidly and she was now gasping for air. Sully quickly sat her up and as his concern heightened he anxiously asked again, "Michaela, what’s wrong. Are you all right?" Michaela grasped his hand in hers and held it to tightly to her chest. Slowly her breathing began to return to normal and she took several deep breaths. Nodding her head, she slowly released Sully’s hand, "I’m all right," she spoke softly and then seeing the frightened look in Sully’s eyes, she tried to reassure him again. "I’m fine, Sully, really, but I could use a drink of water," Michaela replied and as Sully started to rise, he saw her shiver slightly.

Quickly grabbing the blanket that had been thrown off of them, he wrapped it around her shoulders and then went to retrieve the canteen. After taking a few drinks of water, she handed the canteen back to Sully and turning her eyes away from him she quietly said, "I’d like to get dressed now." Reaching for her clothes she quickly dressed in silence and then standing up she walked over to the fire and lay down, turning her back on Sully.

Sully was once again perplexed by her sudden behavior and he could sense that she was withdrawing from him again. Gathering his clothes he walked slowly over to the fire and after adding a few more logs, he slid under his covers. After hesitating only a moment, he slid his arm under Michaela and drew her body close to his. Leaning his head up against her hair, he whispered, "I love you, try to get some sleep."

Sully pulled Michaela’s body in snugly against his own and with his other hand he soothingly rubbed her arm. He continued to whisper soothing words of love into her ear and slowly he felt her relax. As their bodies began to warm each other, Sully’s mind drifted back to their lovemaking.

He had been quite surprised at the intensity of Michaela’s passion. He had never seen her act in such a way and it was definitely out of her character, although he wasn’t complaining any. He liked this new and different side of her. He smiled broadly as a vivid picture of the two of them tumbling around on the blanket flashed through his mind.

Because he knew Michaela so well he sensed that she was unsure of herself and possibly even embarrassed by her ardor. Maybe that was the reason she pulled away from him, he thought to himself. Wanting to lay her fears to rest and assure her that he loved everything about her, especially her bursts of enthusiasm, he whispered softly into her ear, "thank you for loving me tonight. I love you so much."

Feeling Michaela’s body suddenly tense he reached up and gently caressed her cheek, feeling a tear as it slowly trickled down her cheek. Wiping it away with his thumb, he laid his head down on the rolled up blanket and tucking his body snugly against hers, he lightly kissed the back of her head. He held her wrapped tightly in his arms until his eyes became heavy with sleep and soon his hold on Michaela’s arm loosened and he fell asleep.

Michaela felt Sully’s arms relax their hold on her and soon his breathing became slow and even. She knew that he had finally fallen asleep. Staring into the crackling flames she thought about their lovemaking tonight and her cheeks reddened. She had even surprised herself with the intensity of her passion. She didn’t know what had possessed her to act that way with Sully. It was as if she had lost all control and she was like a wild animal meeting its mate for the first time. She was so embarrassed she could only imagine what Sully must think of her.

And suddenly she thought back to her Mother’s harsh words, "frankly Michaela, I was appalled at your behavior." Maybe her mother had been right about her after all. Maybe it had been her fault that night with David. Maybe she ‘was’ no better than one of Hank’s girls. As her tears began to fall anew she quietly slid out from under Sully’s arm and picking up a blanket she walked over to where the two of them had stood earlier tonight.

Michaela found a large rock on which to lean on and sitting down on the ground she pulled up her knees and wrapped the blanket tightly around her. Her eyes slowly roamed the magnificent view and soon she was remembering the words of her dear friend Sam when she first told Michaela about her intent to climb Pikes Peak. "Your lungs bursting, crawling, using every fiber of your being just to keep going, and finally, reaching up as high as you can and kiss the sky."

It had sounded so wonderful then and she remembered asking Sam what it was like at the top. She hadn’t missed the sparkle in Sam’s eyes and the excitement in her voice when she said, "Exhilarating, peaceful, like you’re insignificant and special, all at the same time. As if you really belong on this earth. Nothing makes you feel more alive."

Michaela reached up and swiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Oh Sam, why don’t I feel that way now, why do I feel so lost," Michaela cried softly. "If only you could be here with me, you understood me so much more than my own mother. Why couldn’t she be like you?" Michaela buried her head in her knees and weeping silently she let her tears fall.

Sully slowly opened one eye and realized that it was still nightfall and that dawn was still several hours away. Turning slightly to reach for Michaela he was surprised when he found her spot empty. Slowly he looked around the campsite and soon his eyes alighted on her form sitting against a large rock a short distance away. He let out a small sigh as he realized that she had probably been there most of the night. Standing up he grabbed a blanket and wrapping it around his waist he quietly walked over and knelt down beside her.

Although Michaela’s eyes were open she didn’t acknowledge Sully’s presence until he gently lay his hand on her arm. Startled, she jumped slightly and then turning her head she met Sully’s gaze. "Hey, you need to get some sleep," Sully spoke softly as he reached out his hand. "How ‘bout coming back to bed with me, all right? It’s awfully cold out here."

Michaela feigned a slight smile and reached out her hand as Sully pulled her to her feet. With his hand on the small of her back, he gently guided her over to their bedrolls and then helped her under the blankets. Quickly sliding in next to her, he threw his blanket over the top of them and then slid up next to her so that her back was spooned against his chest. Laying his arm protectively over her, he kissed the back of her neck and then whispered softly, "Luv you."

Michaela shifted her weary body farther down under the covers. The warmth of the fire next to her soon began to penetrate her chilled bones. It was hard to believe that only yesterday they were complaining of the heat. Sully had been right, as soon as the sun went down behind the mountaintops the night air had become chilly rather quick. Squeezing his arm gently, Michaela wiggled in snuggly against Sully’s warm chest. Feeling protected and secure in the loving arms of her husband, Michaela finally gave in to her exhaustion and quickly fell asleep.

The smell of coffee aroused Michaela’s nostrils as she groggily opened her eyes. As she turned her head slightly she noticed Sully sitting next to her, a blanket wrapped around his waist and an open book in his hands. Stretching her arms out high above her head, she suddenly yawned. Sully heard her stir and turning his head he found her watching him. "Good morning," he whispered softly as he leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss.

"Morning," she murmured and then suddenly she lowered her eyes as she remembered the events of last night. Nervously her fingers began to fumble with the edge of the blanket. Sensing the reason for Michaela’s nervousness, Sully leaned closer and whispered into her ear, "Thank you for last night. I appreciated your enthusiasm."

Her eyes flew up to meet Sully’s but just as quickly she lowered them to the ground, her face now a crimson red. Sully reached over to cup her chin in his hand and gently lifted her face. Looking deep into her soul, Sully spoke tenderly. "Michaela, look at me." He waited a second until her eyes were locked with his. "What happened between us last night is nothing to be ashamed of. It was beautiful, Michaela." He leaned in to tenderly kiss her lips and then looking into her eyes once again he continued. "We love each other, right? I don’t ever want you to feel embarrassed for loving me."

"But, Sully, the way I acted. I… I don’t know what came over me. You must think…" Michaela’s quivering voice trailed off as Sully placed his finger to her lips.

"Sshhh, it’s all right Michaela, I understand, I really do. You needed to be with me and I needed to be with you. I know you’ve been hurtin’ and as much as you wanted to lose yourself in loving me, just as much I wanted to take away your pain by loving you." He softly caressed her cheek and ran his thumb over her moist lips. "I wanna be here for you, in anyway I can. And if loving you helps ease your pain, then I’m not complaining," he answered softly, a twinkle in his eye.

Looking into Sully’s eyes, at that moment her heart felt nothing but love for him. "You truly don’t mind, even when I act like… like that?" Michaela’s blush deepened. "You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?"

"Truly," Sully smiled sincerely, "and I’m not just saying that to make you feel better." With his index finger Sully lightly traced the outline of her lips. "But maybe there is somethin’ I can do to make you feel better," his eyes sparkled as his fingers slowly moved downward across her chin and neck and then lightly brushing over her breasts.

Michaela gasped slightly as Sully’s touch brought shivers to her skin. Smiling at him she reached for his hand and grasped it tightly to her chest and then pointing to the book in his lap she asked, "Emerson?"

"Yeah, would you like me to read you something?" Sully asked as he leaned over and lightly kissed her lips.

"Mmmm, that would be nice," Michaela shifted so that she was now lying on her side facing Sully, her head propped up in her hand.

Sully picked up the book and lightly cleared his throat and then looking into her eyes, he began.

The passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant. Nature grows conscious. Every bird on the boughs of the tree sings now to his heart and soul. The notes are almost articulate. The clouds have faces as he looks on them. The trees of the forest, the waving grass and the peeping flowers have grown intelligent; and he almost fears to trust them with the secret which they seem to invite. Yet nature soothes and sympathizes. In the green solitude he finds a dearer home than with men: --

"Fountain-heads and pathless groves,

Places which pale passion loves,

Moonlight walks, when all the fowls

Are safetly housed, save bats and owls,

A midnight bell, a passion groan-

These are the sounds we feed upon."

"That was beautiful, Sully," Michaela whispered softly as she brought his hand up to her mouth and lightly kissed his fingers.

Sully laid the book down next to him and looked into Michaela’s eyes, his gaze piercing deep into her soul. His voice low and husky, he leaned over and whispered close to her ear, "Not as beautiful as you." Her eyes locking with his, she placed her hand behind his neck and whispered "thank you," before pulling his head close. As her lips parted his for a deep and probing kiss, Sully’s hands began to fumble with the buttons on Michaela’s blouse.

"I love you," Sully’s voice was hoarse with desire as he slid his hand up under her camisole and gently caressed her breasts. His breath was warm against her neck as his lips trailed tiny kisses across her shoulders. Sully pulled back slightly to unbutton her skirt but was quickly stilled when he noticed the tears streaming down Michaela’s cheeks. Wiping away her tears with his thumb, Sully leaned close to her and whispered pleadingly, "Oh god, Michaela, I love you so much and I can’t bear to see you like this. Please, tell me what’s wrong. Let me help you."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted ever saying them. Instantly the mood was broken as he felt Michaela tense and her hand gently pushed him away. "Sully, you promised," her voice quivered in defeat as she turned her back to him. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he gently turned her around to face him. Reaching up he lightly caressed her cheek. "I’m sorry, Michaela, you’re right, I did make ya a promise. I should have never said anything, please, forgive me?" his voice was pleading.

As she wiped her tears, Michaela flashed him a slight smile and then taking a deep breath she reached for his hand and grasped it in hers. "Sully, can we just forget about all of this and try to enjoy the rest of our trip together. Let’s just concentrate on the reason we came up here, to celebrate your birthday."

Relieved that she wasn’t angry with him, Sully lifted his hand to caress her cheek. "That sounds like an excellent plan," he answered softly. Still feeling zealous Sully leaned over and kissed her warm lips as he ran his hand sensually up and down her back. Knowing how it affected her when he read poetry to her, he glanced down at the open book and whispered, "How ‘bout some more Emerson?"

But it was too late. Their earlier mood now broken, Michaela looked at Sully and feigning a smile she replied, "Maybe some other time. I think I’ll go wash up now," and then throwing off her blankets she reached for her backpack and then walked towards the nearby trees. Sully sighed in frustration as he watched her retreating form. Hitting his fist on the ground, he thought to himself, "Why did I have to go and spoil this moment? Why did I have to open my mouth?"

"Oh well," he thought to himself as he stood up and dropping the blanket from around his waist, he quickly slipped into his buckskins. "We still got three more days," he smiled inwardly as he pulled his shirt over his head, "so like Michaela said, we’ll just concentrate on celebrating my birthday. And if I have anything to do with it, it will be a celebration neither of us will soon forget."

Michaela returned from her morning ablutions just as Sully was pouring hot coffee into two tin cups. Wrapped in a linen towel beside him were some biscuits and beef jerky left over from the previous night. As they ate their mere breakfast their conversation turned to the children. "I hope Katie’s doing okay without us?" Michaela’s eyes had a far off look in them. Placing his hand over hers, Sully squeezed it lightly and then said, "I miss her too. But I’m sure she’s doing fine with Grace and Robert E."

"I’m sure you’re right," Michaela replied wistfully and then remembering her earlier promise to make this a birthday celebration, she looked at Sully and with a slight grin she asked, "So.., how old are you?"

Sully flashed his twinkling eyes at Michaela and then asked mischievously, "Is that any kind of question to ask a man?"

Placing her hands on her hips, Michaela pretended to be upset, but without success. "Well, as I recall you seem to ask me that question every year."

His voice bubbling with laughter, he looked into her eyes and said, "And as I recall you’re always reluctant to answer my question. In fact, if I remember correctly, you’ve started counting backwards now, haven’t you?"

Playfully slapping his hand, Michaela’s smile warmed his heart. "That’s not funny. Now are you going to tell me how old you or not?"

"Well, Michaela, you know that I’m two years younger than you. So on your last birthday you were how old? ‘29’, so that makes me about what, 27?" Sully teased.

"Yes, that's sound just about right," Michaela's eyes twinkled as her smile lit up his face. "And I must say you carry your age very well Mr. Sully," she continued jovially before leaning in for a short kiss.

Sully emptied the remnants of his coffee cup on the ground and then touching Michaela's hand, he said, "We probably should be heading out soon."

"Yes, I suppose you're right. If you'll pack up the bedrolls I'll clean up these few dishes here," Michaela said as she emptied the last of her coffee and then began to pack up what was left of their breakfast.

Soon they were packed and ready to go, but before heading out Sully reached for Michaela's hand and drew her over to the ledge of the mountain. Standing behind her he wrapped his arms around her and then resting his head on her shoulder, he spoke softly into her ear. "It's beautiful here, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Michaela replied wistfully. "I remember something Sam said to me when she first told me about wanting to climb Pikes Peak."

"What's that?" Sully whispered close to her ear.

Michaela grasped Sully's arms around her and leaning her head against his chest, she continued. "I remember asking her what it was like to reach the top and she answered, ‘exhilarating, peaceful, like you're insignificant and special, all at the same time, as if you really belong on this earth. Nothing makes you feel more alive’." Michaela sighed heavily as she looked out over the beautiful scenery below and then in a barely audible tone she whispered, "Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere."

"You belong with me," Sully whispered into her ear as he gently pulled her closer, holding her protectively against his chest.

"Yes I do," Michaela stated with absolute certainty and then lowering her voice she whispered pensively, "that’s the only thing I am sure about right now."

Sully's hold on her tightened and stretching his neck to get a glimpse of her face, his eyes full of concern he whispered softly, "Michaela?"

Remembering that this was supposed to be a birthday celebration, Michaela mentally shook herself and turning her head slightly to look up at Sully’s face she smiled, "It looks like it’s going to be gorgeous day so why don’t we start enjoying it." And with that she gave Sully a quick kiss on the cheek and taking a few steps to their belongings she picked up her bedroll and backpack and threw them over her shoulder. Glancing over her shoulder at Sully she playfully teased, "If you want your birthday present you’ll have to follow me," and then giving him a playful wink she reached out her hand and asked, "You coming?"

Sully’s face broke into a wide grin, "Yep, I’m coming. No way am I gonna miss out on this present." Picking up his equipment he reached for Michaela’s hand and grasping it tightly in his, they started back down the mountain.

It wasn’t long before the unseasonable temperature had once again started to rise and both had shed their coats. By 11:30 it was apparent to Sully that with the extreme heat and her lack of sleep, Michaela was beginning to lag. Stopping under a large oak tree Sully turned to Michaela and said, "We’ll rest here for lunch. There’s a stream right over there; why don’t you go wash up while I pick us some berries. I’ve seen ‘em growing along the path."

"Alright," Michaela answered as she lifted her bedroll and backpack off of her shoulders and threw them onto the ground, "and I’ll fill up our canteens." After splashing water over her face and filling the canteens, Michaela returned to sit under the tree. As she waited for Sully to return she leaned her back up against the tree and closed her eyes; within minutes she was sound asleep.

Sully returned some 15 minutes later with a pocket full of berries and a handful of wild mushrooms. As he set the food down on top of his bedroll, he turned to look at Michaela and suddenly realized that she was asleep. He smiled inwardly and after quietly sitting down next to her, he slid his arm behind her back and carefully laid her head on his shoulder.

For the next hour Sully sat in peaceful silence as he held his sleeping wife against his chest. Occasionally she would stir and mumble something unintelligible but Sully would simply stroke her arm and she would suddenly become quiet again. He knew she needed this short rest as he traced her cheekbone with his thumb and once again noticed the dark circles under her eyes.

Leaning his head up against the tree he began to ponder the last few days and immediately his thoughts flew to last night and their time of loving on top of the mountain. His mouth turned up in a slight grin and popping a berry into his mouth, he thought to himself, "I wonder if she’ll ever show me that side of her again?" She stirred once again and leaning down Sully lightly kissed the top of her head and then caressing her cheek, his lips barely moving, he whispered, "I hope so, I surely hope so."

Michaela slowly opened her eyes to find Sully watching her. "Hi," Sully spoke softly as he brushed a stray lock of hair off of Michaela’s cheek. "Mmmm, hi," Michaela answered a little groggily as she arched her back, "I must have fallen asleep."

"Yeah you did, but you needed it," Sully answered as he placed his hand on her lower back and gently began to massage it. "How long have I been asleep?" Michaela asked as she rubbed her eyes, trying to shake the fog she was in.

"Not long really, maybe an hour or so," Sully returned. "How about something to eat. I picked some berries and wild mushrooms earlier, and we still have a biscuit or two left."

"Sounds delicious, Sully. I haven’t had wild mushrooms since… since I don’t know when. Maybe we could pick some more for dinner tonight," Michaela replied as she reached for the towel containing the food Sully picked.

"Sure, we can do that, and I’ll keep a look out for game for dinner tonight. Now that we’ve reached water, there should be plenty of game around. How does rabbit or pheasant sound?" Sully asked as he handed a canteen to Michaela.

"My mouth’s watering already," Michaela smiled at her husband as she rinsed down the last of the berries she had eaten.

They relaxed in silence as they each digested their food until finally Sully spoke, "Well, we better get going now. We still got a ways to go before we reach our next campsite." Sully slowly stood up and then reaching out his hand he asked, "You all rested?"

Michaela reached up and grabbed Sully’s hand as he slowly pulled her to her feet. "Yes, I feel fine now, it was just what I needed," Michaela answered truthfully. "I guess I didn’t realize how tired I really was."

"Yeah, well I could tell," he said lovingly as he pulled her into his embrace. Michaela leaned in and lightly kissed him on the lips. "Thank you for always thinking of me. I love you for it."

"Love you too," Sully replied affectionately, "come on, let’s go." And then taking her hand in his they started down the path.

The sun was blistering down on the top of their heads as Sully and Michaela continued their hike down the path. Michaela was leading the way with Sully close behind as he carefully scanned the woods for prey for their supper. Hearing a strange noise, Michaela was about to turn around and ask Sully what it was, when suddenly Sully called out to her. "Michaela, Freeze! Don’t move, don’t even breathe," Sully’s voice was now a whisper as they both stood frozen in their spots.

Michaela’s eyes slowly sought out the source of the strange sound and a small gasp caught in her throat. There at the side of the road was a large rattlesnake, coiled and ready to strike. For an instant Michaela’s eyes locked with those of the snake and as she realized what was about to happen, her stomached sickened. Just as the snake raised up to strike, Michaela heard a loud swishing noise as Sully threw his tomahawk towards the snake, making a clean hit as it cut the snake in two.

Slowly Michaela let out her breath and then suddenly she began to tremble. Sully ran to her side and grabbed her up in his arms. "You okay?" he asked softly as he continued to hold her trembling body against his chest. Taking a deep breath, Michaela nodded her head, "Yes, I’m fine," she answered, her voice somewhat shaky. "You sure?" Sully asked again as he looked into her eyes for reassurance.

"Yes, really, I’m okay Sully," Michaela said as she slowly began to stop trembling, "just a little frightened is all." Sully continued to hold Michaela tightly to his chest as he thought of how close he had come to losing her. Looking up to the heavens he spoke a silent prayer of thanks to the Spirits before finally pulling away.

Sully walked over to the dead snake on the ground and picking it up by its head, he turned to Michaela. "Looks like we just found our dinner," Sully replied as he held the snake up high for Michaela to see.

"That?" Michaela asked in disbelief, "you can’t be serious? That thing almost killed me Sully and now you want me to eat it for supper?" she asked incredulously. "And besides, it’s grotesque."

"Grotesque, huh" Sully chuckled. "I’d say no more grotesque than eating escargot. Are you telling me that you can eat snails but you won’t even try my gourmet rattlesnake?" Sully’s eyes were sparkling with laughter as he teased his wife.

Michaela saw the glint in Sully’s eyes and after realizing that he was teasing she answered, "Well, that’s different."

"And how’s that?" Sully asked in return, now unable to hide his grin.

"Well, escargot is an expensive delicacy and since you have to pay highly for it that must make it taste better, right?" Michaela replied, her lips slightly turned upward.

Locking his gaze with hers, Sully’s eyes were bubbling with laughter. "Well if that’s the case, then I can think of a few ways in which you can pay me for my gourmet rattlesnake, and then we could call it a delicacy." Sully retrieved a towel from his pack and wrapping up a portion of the snake, he placed it inside his pouch and then walked over to Michaela.

"Alright, I’ll eat it but I won’t watch you cook it. And you don’t get paid if I don’t like it, agreed?" Michaela’s hands were on her hips as she turned her sultry eyes on him.

"Agreed," Sully answered as he reached out his hands towards Michaela.

Michaela’s eyes were twinkling as she looked into Sully’s and said, "Mr. Sully, don’t even think about touching me until you’ve washed your hands."

Sully laughed aloud and then said, "Well then Mrs. Sully, you’d better take me to the nearest stream, and quick, ‘cause I don’t think I can keep my hands off ya for long."

Michaela too began to laugh aloud and then reaching for her canteen, she removed the stopper. "Come here and let me wash your hands." As Sully held his hands out for Michaela to wash, she slowly lowered her eyes. "I must admit," Michaela said sheepishly, her cheeks beginning to flush, "I like it when you can’t keep your hands off of me."

Sully’s grin never left his face as Michaela finished drying off his hands. Holding them up for her to inspect, he asked, "May I touch you now, Mrs. Sully?"

"Please do," Michaela’s raspy voice answered as Sully wrapped his arms around her and slowly seized her lips. He ran his hands sensually down her spine as the kiss deepened. As their breathing became heavy Michaela slowly pulled back for air. Smiling at Sully, she reached up and touched his nose. Her heart beating rapidly she said, "I think we better be going now. Remember our agreement, you don’t get paid until after I’ve eaten," and then giving him a slight wink she said, "and that’s only if I can keep it down."

Sully opened his mouth in protest but Michaela quickly quieted him with a kiss. "Very funny," he replied as he pulled back from her face, "I’ll do my best not to poison you." Smiling down on her, Sully looked into her sparkling eyes and whispered, "I love you, Michaela."

As Michaela smiled back at him Sully thought of how good it was to see her beautiful smile again. She was in such a jovial mood and not since before her mother had arrived had he seen her like this. Grabbing her hand, he said, "Come on, let’s get a drink of water and head out. We still got a couple of hours of hiking left."

As they continued on their last stretch of the day, Sully took the lead. Michaela followed close behind, but this time her eyes were busy scanning the nearby woods for any unwanted creatures that might happen to pop out. Sully had to laugh at the way her head was furiously moving from side to side or how she would abruptly stop in her tracks if she heard any noise. By the time they reached their next campsite they had only a few hours of light left. As Sully removed his backpack and laid it on the ground, he turned to Michaela and said, "How ‘bout you gather some firewood while I clean and prepare our supper."

"Alright," Michaela agreed, "and after I get a fire started I’ll mix up the last batch of biscuits. I think we have enough fixings for one more batch, and that should be able to last us until we reach home."

"Sounds good," Sully replied as he opened his pouch and pulled out the wrapped snake. "I still got two potatoes left. How bout we split one for supper and then we’ll still have one for tomorrow night." Sully reached into his backpack and pulling out a potato, he threw it to Michaela.

Catching the potato in mid-air, Michaela smiled at Sully and said, "I’ll go and get the firewood now." As she turned to leave she paused a moment and then pointing in the direction of the woods she said, "And Sully, when you clean that ‘thing’, would you please do it way over there so I don’t have to look at it." Sully looked at Michaela but when he saw the smile on her face, he retorted, "Yes Ma’am," and then rolling his eyes he said, "Better watch out Michaela, your Boston upbringing is starting to show."

Michaela’s laughter echoed off the sides of the mountain as she walked into the woods. Before disappearing out of sight, Sully called out to her, "Don’t wander too far Michaela, and watch out for them snakes." As she disappeared into the woods Michaela could still hear Sully’s loud bellowing laugh.

Sully had laid their bedrolls out in front of the fire and now they sat side by side as they finished off the last of their supper. Their meal now completed Sully took the plate from Michaela’s hand and set it next to his on the ground. Turning to look into Michaela’s eyes he wiped his mouth with a towel and then asked, "So, how was it?" Smiling back at him Michaela pretended not to know what he was talking about. "How was what?" she asked as she tried to suppress her smile.

"My gourmet supper. So… what did ya think of it?" Sully anxiously looked into her eyes as he awaited her answer. Pausing for effect, Michaela drew out her words, "Well… I’m still alive… so you haven’t poisoned me." And then seeing the exasperated look on Sully’s face she confessed, "Actually Sully, I’ll have to admit, it was quite delicious."

"Glad you liked it," Sully responded with a smile and then leaning closer he laid his hand on her knee and whispered provocatively, "Does this mean I get paid?"

"Mmmm, we’ll see," Michaela returned his smile and then laying her hand on top of his, she turned to gaze into his eyes. "Sully, thank you for saving my life today." Sully returned her gaze and looking deep into her soul he leaned over and kissed her soft lips. "You’re welcome," he spoke softly as he slowly drew apart and then raising his one eyebrow, he looked at her lovingly and whispered, "Why don’t we just… call it even."

They smiled at each other as they both recalled that those were her exact words to him after returning from collecting water samples from Mr. Harding’s mine. During that trip it had been Sully who had encountered the snake. With her quick thinking and a handy little piece of junk, as Sully had called it, she had been able to blind the snake with her mirror, enabling Sully to kill it. In unison they both leaned in for another kiss; a kiss of love and one of appreciation for each other.

Michaela scooted closer to Sully and leaning against his side, she laid her head down on his shoulder. They sat in companionable silence for quite some time, just enjoying the peaceful night and the closeness of one another. It was Michaela who finally spoke into the darkness. "Sully, may I ask you something?"

"Of course ya can, you know that," Sully replied as he shifted slightly so that he could see her face in the firelight.

Looking up into his eyes Michaela asked softly, "Why haven’t you ever wanted to celebrate your birthday before?"

Sully sighed heavily and quickly lowered his eyes. "I’m sorry, Sully. I know it’s still painful for you. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to," Michaela quickly apologized, sorry now that she had brought it up.

Slowly Sully raised his head and taking Michaela’s hand into his he squeezed it lightly and then looking into her eyes he said, "No, it’s alright, I want to tell you now. I’ve never been able to talk about it before, but now, with you here by my side, I think I’d like to tell you."

Michaela waited patiently as Sully slipped his arm behind her back and circling her waist, he held her tightly. "The last time I celebrated my birthday was when I was eight years old," he began. "I had been begging my ma to get me a horse, although I knew that was impossible. We just didn’t have that kind of money, besides we didn’t have anywhere to keep one." Sully’s eyes had a far off look to them as he remembered long ago.

"Since my ma couldn’t buy me a horse, she did the next best thing." Michaela’s eyes never left Sully’s face as he continued with his story. "She arranged for me and my brother to go riding with one of the neighbors who owned several horses. My brother brought his friend Pete along with him since the three of us usually hung out together. They didn’t seem to mind that I was two years younger than them, I just always tagged along."

"Our neighbors, Mr. Ferguson and his wife, they didn’t have any kids of their own so sometimes we would go over to his house and he would let us brush down the horses. He said we weren’t ever aloud to ride them cause he didn’t have our ma’s permission. I remember I was so excited when I found out that ma had arranged for us to go riding with him."

"Mr. Ferguson took us out riding and since I was only eight and I had never ridden a horse, I had to ride with him. But Pete and Will got to ride their own horses since they’d done it before. I remember we had the best time and when we got back I told my ma that it was the best birthday I’d ever had."

Michaela remained entranced in Sully’s story as he shared his earliest years. He had rarely spoken of his brother before and now he was opening up his heart to her. Her heart was bursting with unfounded love as she listened attentively to each word. And then suddenly, her eyes fixed on his she noticed the crease in Sully’s brow and his hand tensed over hers as he remembered the next events.

"Pete and my brother had already gotten off of their horses when I saw Will whisper something into Pete’s ear. They were always up to something so I figured they were up to something now." Sully’s eyes suddenly became moist with tears as he retold what happened next. "The next thing I knew Pete and Will were jumping back up onto their horses. Pete got up on his horse just fine without any help but when Will threw his leg over the horse, he slipped and fell, his foot catching in the stirrup."

Squeezing Sully’s hand Michaela gave him a nod of encouragement as she watched the tears fall freely down his cheeks. "As Pete’s horse took off, Will’s horse got spooked and took off after him, dragging my brother along with him. Mr. Ferguson jumped on his horse and went after him but it was too late. Will hit his head on a rock and he died later that day," Sully choked.

Overwhelmed with emotions Michaela was unable to speak. Reaching up she brushed away his tears. Sully grasped her hand and held it firmly to his cheek. After taking a few deep breaths, Sully looked into Michaela’s eyes and said, "We never celebrated or even talked of my birthday again. It would have been like celebrating the death of my brother. I blamed myself for his death for a long time," Sully spoke softly, "and for the death of my ma."

"But Sully," Michaela began but was quickly interrupted when Sully held up his hand.

"I know, I know Michaela, and I don’t blame myself anymore. But I did for a long time. I thought that if it hadn’t been my birthday, if I hadn’t wanted to go horseback riding none of that would have happened. After the accident my ma was never the same. She never did get over the death of Will and I always thought that somehow she blamed me."

Sully’s arm around Michaela’s waist tightened and his voice became barely audible. "Two years later, on the second anniversary of Will’s death, on what would have been my tenth birthday, my ma drowned herself in the river. So you can see why I never had a reason to celebrate my birthday again."

"Oh Sully," Michaela whispered, her eyes filled with tears, "I’m so sorry. What a terrible thing for a young child to go through."

"Yeah, it was. And I carried those scars with me for a long, long time. It was the Cheyenne that helped me through it, and then of course you," Sully smiled as he gazed lovingly into Michaela’s eyes. "Me?" she questioned in astonishment, "what did I do?"

"You gave me your love," Sully whispered softly as he leaned over and lightly kissed her lips. "And then of course you being a doctor and all I’ve learned about melancholia. I didn’t know nothing about that when I was kid."

"From what you’ve told me I’m almost sure that is what your mother was suffering from." Michaela told him as she entwined her fingers through his. "She couldn’t help it Sully. But I’m sure she still loved you very much."

Sully nodded his head and then brought their hands up to his lips and kissed the tip of her fingers. "I know that now and I’ve made peace with it."

Michaela turned her head to look into Sully’s eyes and locking gaze with his she asked, "Why did you decide now to tell me when your birthday was?"

Sully thought a moment and then choosing his words carefully he explained. "I’ve been thinking about it ever since your last birthday." Michaela’s eyes clouded over once again as she recalled that horrible night when she lost her last child. Squeezing her hand, Sully continued. "I know how hard it is to have something terrible happen on such a special day. And I don’t want that to be the only thing you remember about your birthday. I want your birthday to be something you look forward to, something we both look forward to, not something to dread."

"I’ve been thinking about all of your birthdays that we’ve celebrated together and how grateful I am that I was there to share them with you. I love planning something special for your birthday, I probably get just as excited as you do. And then I got to thinking how you’ve never been able to do that for me, and maybe I was being selfish. I want to start making new memories that we can share together."

Tears were streaming unbidden down Michaela’s cheeks as she managed to whisper, "Oh, Sully," before throwing her arms around his neck. "I love you so much. I don’t deserve you."

Sully held Michaela close to him for a few moments before pulling back. "I’m the one who don’t deserve you. You’ve given me so much, Michaela, so much more than I could ever have dreamed of," Sully said as he traced her lips with his finger and then leaning over he kissed her lips, a kiss full of gratitude and undying love.

After the kiss had ended Sully looked into Michaela’s eyes and holding her gaze he spoke softly. "I still hadn’t decided when, or even if I was gonna tell you all of this or not ‘cause I knew it would bring back a lot of painful memories for me. But after ya got the telegram about your ma I knew I had to get you away, just the two of us; but considering your mood I knew that you probably wouldn’t want to go." Sully paused a moment as Michaela quickly lowered her eyes.

"I knew I had to come up with a really good reason, one that I knew you wouldn’t be able to say no to. That’s when I realized that now was the right time to tell you all of this. I knew you couldn’t say no to my birthday," Sully stated, his lips slightly turned upward. Afraid that the mere mention of her mother had caused Michaela to withdraw from him again, Sully waited anxiously for Michaela to speak.

Michaela took a few moments to compose herself and then looking into Sully’s eyes she said, "I’m glad you decided to tell me; I’m glad you brought me here. It means a lot to me that you were willing to share something so personal. I’ll cherish this moment forever." Now it was Sully’s turn to brush away her tears as they trickled down her cheek. As he leaned in for a kiss she whispered softly, "I love you so much."

As Sully drew back slightly he whispered, "Let’s not talk anymore," before seizing her lips once again for a deep and probing kiss. Bringing her hand up to the back of Sully’s neck Michaela lovingly ran her fingers through his hair as Sully’s hand moved sensually down her back. Slowly he lowered them both onto the blanket, his hand finding its way up under her skirt. Soon their passion was ignited and their love was brought to a fevered pitch as their hearts and souls were once again united in that magical union of love.

Sully’s breathing began to slow as he lovingly held Michaela close. Their bodies still connected Sully felt the rapid thumping of Michaela’s heart against his chest. "Thank you," he whispered into her ear as he continued to stroke her bare back. "Mmmm, yes that was nice," Michaela whispered blissfully as she lightly twirled her fingers around the hair on Sully’s chest.

Michaela shifted slightly as Sully slipped free. Turning onto her side, her face away from him, she spooned herself up against his warm body as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Laying her hand over Sully’s arm she sighed in peaceful contentment, neither feeling the need for words as each became lost in their own thoughts.

Exhausted from today's events and from lack of sleep, Michaela snuggled up warmly against Sully's body. She knew she should try to sleep but her thoughts wouldn't let her. She kept seeing over and over in her mind a small, frightened boy, all alone in this world, trying to act so brave, trying to survive. She could not even imagine what it would have been like for Sully, what he must have endured at such a young age. She was even more amazed that he had endured all of that sorrow and yet still be the man he is today; a caring, gentle and loving husband who would move heaven and earth to help someone in need.

Sully's hand slowly moved in circles on her stomach as his gentle fingers lightly caressed her skin. She smiled inwardly as she laid her hand over his. She thought about their lovemaking tonight and again a smile appeared on her face. There had been something different about it tonight, that Michaela knew for sure. Now freed of his burden, Sully had been able to freely give that part of himself that had always been closed off to her.

Michaela thought about her own burden which lay heavy on her heart. If Sully had been able to bare his soul, why couldn’t she? What was she so afraid of? Why couldn’t she tell Sully about her mother’s visit? Was she really only trying to protect Sully, or was she protecting herself. Did her mother really hate Sully that much? Did she hate her? All of these thoughts were whirling around in her head so fast that she couldn’t sort anything out.

Then a sudden thought occurred to Michaela. As she thought about all that Sully had told her about his ma, she wondered if maybe the same thing had happened to her mother. She knew that her mother was still grieving over Marjorie’s death. Maybe she was suffering from depression just as Sully’s ma had been years ago. Maybe that’s why her mother had acted so irrational.

Michaela knew that she should talk to Sully; she knew her heart would not find peace until she did. But could she tell him everything, even about David. As she thought about that night she remembered her mother’s words, "I was appalled at your behavior." Would Sully think the same? A knot tightened in her stomach and then suddenly as she had done for the past several weeks she quickly pushed those thoughts out of her mind. She knew that as long as she kept those thoughts buried deep inside, she didn’t have to face the pain. Concentrating instead on Sully’s arm wrapped around her and his warm breath on her neck, Michaela closed her weary eyes and finally fell asleep.

As Sully lay on his side with Michaela snuggled against his chest he felt nothing but relief that he had finally told Michaela about his brother. A large weight had finally been lifted from his shoulders. He had opened up the darkest recesses of his heart to her, and with that came a peace he had never known. He could now finally put his ma and his brother to rest.

Smiling to himself Sully then thought of their time of loving tonight. There had been something different about it tonight. Finally freed of a burden that laid heavily on his heart, Sully had held nothing back, giving himself wholly, freely and without any reservations. He was still amazed at the power this woman had over him after all this time. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. His only wish now was that Michaela would be able to find that same kind of peace.

As Sully listened to the rhythmic beating of Michaela’s heart, he drew her in closer and kissed the top of her head. Leaning in close to her ear, he whispered, "Michaela, do you think you’ll want to stop at the gravesites tomorrow?" After receiving no response, he lifted his head slightly to look at her face and realized that she was asleep. Looking up at the stars he thought about their brief stop on the way up and of Michaela’s reaction. "I hope this time fares better than the last," he thought to himself before he too drifted off to sleep.

Michaela slowly opened her eyes to see her husband smiling down at her. "Good morning," Sully replied as he leaned down for a morning kiss. "Mmmm, morning’," Michaela answered back as she stretched her arms outside of the blanket. Shivering from the morning air, Sully slid his arm under her back and pulled her close to him for warmth. "It’s cold out," Michaela replied as she snuggled up closer to Sully. "Yeah, but it’s nice and warm under here," Sully smiled as he lightly ran his hand up and down her side. "I think I could stay here all day," Michaela murmured lazily as she lightly caressed Sully’s chin.

Sully leaned in for a kiss and then in a low and sultry voice he said, "We could do that." Michaela looked into Sully’s eyes and in her own sultry voice she asked, "And what may I ask would we do all day if we stayed here?" Sully’s eyes were twinkling as he slowly moved his hand upward to cup her breast. "Oh I’m sure if we put our heads together we could come up with something."

Suddenly Michaela began to laugh. "What’s so funny?" Sully asked, his lip turned down in a pout, but Michaela didn’t miss the glint in his eyes.

"You are," Michaela snickered, "and as much as I’d love to stay here with you all day if I don’t get up very soon I think I’m going to burst." Now it was Sully’s turn to laugh. "Well, we wouldn’t want that to happen, so ya better git up and go."

Michaela looked around anxiously for her clothes but when she didn’t find them she asked, "Sully, where are my clothes? I need them now."

"No ya don’t," Sully smiled at her, "it’s just me and you"

"Sully," Michaela said in exasperation, "please, just give me my clothes."

"Come on Michaela, nobody’s gonna see ya. Just git up and run into the trees over there." Sully couldn’t hide the smirk on his face as he watched Michaela’s face turn red. "You think this is funny, don’t you?" Michaela asked as she playfully swatted his arm. "Yep," Sully replied with a broad grin on his face. "Fine," Michaela said as she threw the blanket off of her but as she quickly stood up she reached down and yanked the blanket off of Sully. "I’ll use this instead," she laughed as she headed for the trees. Glancing over her shoulder she looked at her naked husband lying on the ground and giving him a wink, she called, "be right back."

Sully smiled as he watched his wife disappear into the trees and then suddenly feeling the cold on his bare skin, he quickly stood up and found their clothes. After laying Michaela’s clothes out on top of the blanket, Sully pulled on his buckskins and shirt and then after throwing another log onto the fire he went to take care of his morning ablutions.

When Sully returned Michaela was already dressed and had started the coffee. Sully walked over to his backpack and pulled out a few biscuits and two apples. Sitting down in front of the fire he placed the food in front of him as Michaela handed him two steaming hot cups of coffee. After Michaela sat down beside him, Sully handed her a cup of coffee and then picked up a biscuit. "Do you think it will be as hot today?" Michaela asked. "Looks like it," Sully replied as he looked up into the sky, "don’t see any clouds around."

Michaela took another drink of coffee and then looking at Sully she said, "Sully, I wanted to thank you again for sharing with me last night. You don’t know how much it meant to me."

Sully leaned over and cupping her chin in his hand, he lifted her face to his and gently kissed her lips. "I’m glad I finally told ya. It feels as if this big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I guess I didn’t know how much it still affected me sometimes. I finally feel peace with my ma’s and my brother’s death," and then looking up into Michaela’s eyes, he said, "And I owe it all to you."

"Me?" Michaela asked in astonishment, "I didn’t do anything."

"Yes you did, whether you know it or not," Sully stated, "cause it was your strength and your love that gave me the courage to face it after all these years."

Looking down at her hands Michaela muttered, "I’m not so strong."

Sully watched Michaela closely as she nervously wrung her hands. He knew that she was thinking of her troubles with her mother and he desperately wanted to say something to her, to get her to open up, but he remembered his promise to her. Laying his hand over hers, he waited patiently for her to raise her head. Looking into her moist eyes, he cautiously asked, "We should reach Sam’s grave sometime this afternoon. Do you think you’ll want to stop for a few minutes?"

Michaela lowered her eyes for an instant but then raising them she looked into Sully’s warm eyes and whispered, her voice trembling, "I want to Sully, but I don’t know if I can."

Sully squeezed her hand and then gently wiping away her tears he said, "I’ll be right beside ya Michaela and we’ll leave anytime ya want, you just say the word." And then lifting her chin slightly so their eyes were locked, he whispered, "Remember, we can do anything when we do it together."

"You’re right, I know," Michaela sniffled as she attempted a smile.

"Yeah, well sometimes I surprise us all," he joked and then lifting her hand to his mouth he gently turned it over and kissed her wrist. Placing her hand back down in her lap, Sully turned to her and said, "Are ya about ready to pack things up here?"

"Yes," Michaela answered as she emptied her coffee cup onto the ground. Standing up Sully reached down and took hold of Michaela’s hand. Lifting her up he drew her into his arms. "I love you," he whispered softly as he nuzzled her ear. "I love you too," Michaela returned as Sully claimed her lips with his. After a long and passionate kiss, breathless, Sully finally pulled away. Kissing the tip of her nose, he said, "Come on, we best be going."

With Michaela in the lead they had been traveling at a fast pace all morning and Sully had called to her several times to slow down. It was now past noon when Sully finally called for Michaela to halt. "Michaela, why don’t we stop here for lunch," Sully called to her, and pausing she turned around. "This looks like a good spot. We’ll stop here and rest and eat something," Sully said as he lifted his backpack from his shoulders. "All right," Michaela answered in return.

Sully spread out a blanket and after both of them took their places, he pulled out a napkin and untied it. Inside were some biscuits and some leftover rattlesnake meat from the night before. Sully made up two sandwiches and then handing one of them to Michaela, he pulled out some berries and laid them on the blanket.

Michaela eyed the sandwich closely but after feeling her stomach turn, she set it down beside her and picked up a handful of berries. "What’s the matter, don’t you like my cookin’," Sully teased, "you liked it last night." "Oh no, it’s not that Sully, I’m just not very hungry is all," Michaela lied as she quickly lowered her eyes.

Sully could sense that something was troubling her and knowing that Michaela was probably feeling anxious about seeing the gravesites, he placed his hand on top of hers. "Stomach feeling upset?" he asked gently. Michaela slowly raised her eyes and nodding her head slightly, she answered in a whisper, "Yes, a little."

"That’s all right, I understand," Sully spoke softly as he gazed into her eyes. "Just eat what ya can. But try to drink something, okay? I don’t want you getting dehydrated."

Michaela nodded her head and flashing Sully a slight smile she picked up her canteen. After taking a few drinks of water, Sully took the canteen from her and setting it down on the ground, he patted his lap. "Come here and lay your head down for a few minutes." Seeing that she was about to protest, he quickly put in, "please, just for a little while."

Michaela turned her head to look at Sully and seeing his pleading eyes, she said, "Alright, but just for a few minutes," and then stretching out on the blanket she laid her head in Sully’s lap. She smiled up at Sully as he lightly caressed her cheek. "Close your eyes and relax" he spoke soothingly as he gently began to massage her temples.

From the taut lines on her face and the creases in her forehead Sully could tell that Michaela was finding it difficult to relax. He could see the tense lines of worry on her face as he gently began massaging her neck and shoulders. But after only a few minutes Michaela suddenly sat up and turning to Sully she forced a smile and said, "I'm ready to go now, Sully."

"Michaela, come on, we don't have to go yet," Sully pleaded. "Lay back down and rest. You said yourself your stomach was upset."

"I'm fine Sully, really," Michaela spoke softly, her eyes pleading for understanding. And then seeing the concern in his eyes, she added, "I'm fine, really, I just don't want to sit here anymore, I want to go," and then gazing into Sully’s eyes, she whispered, "please."

Nodding his head Sully reached for Michaela's hand and lightly squeezed it, "Alright, let's pack this stuff up." After the backpacks were loaded and placed on their backs, Sully picked up his canteen and held it out to Michaela. "Here, you should drink some more." Michaela reached out and took the canteen from Sully and after taking several drinks she handed it back to him. Sully took several drinks himself and then putting the stopper back on he slung it over his shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered, her eyes meeting his. And from the look in Michaela's eyes, he knew she was thanking him for more than just the water.

Sully took the lead as they headed back down the path. He kept at a slower pace than they had traveled earlier, making sure they didn't over exert themselves. The sun was now high over their heads and the heat was relentless. Sully had noticed that the farther they traveled the more quiet and withdrawn Michaela had become. He knew she was feeling apprehensive and so he left her to herself.

They had hiked several more hours when they rounded a bend in the road and Sully suddenly slowed his pace. Reaching out his hand behind him, he waited for Michaela to catch up and then clasped her hand tightly in his. Several yards ahead lay Sam's grave and the tiny grave of their child. Sully could feel Michaela's hand perspiring in his and as he glanced up at her face he noticed that she was holding her breath. "Michaela?" Sully whispered softly. Slowly she let out her breath and cautiously eased over to Sam's grave.

CONTINUED